Over Half of a Lifetime!

It just dawned on me that since I was almost 17 1/2 yrs old I have been trying to have a baby. That means that over half of my life I have spent being poked, prodded, probed, tested, medicated, arguing with doctors who just don't seem to know or understand what is wrong, and so on, just to become a mother. 10 yrs ago (this coming August) I was blessed with becoming pregnant and being able to give birth to our beautiful son (our miracle--in May of the following year). But since then I have spent a lot of time in doctor's offices, with my legs in stir-ups with people looking at my most intimate area all for the sake of being able to be blessed again. I have gone as far as poking myself with a needle in my stomach and putting pills in places where pills just should not go, in hopes of becoming pregnant. I joke about the fact that I don't have to take pills or precautions to prevent an "unwanted" pregnancy like other women, instead I have to do just the opposite, I have to go to almost the ends of the earth (the women who go to the ends of the earth on this same quest in my opinion are the ones that have no other choice but invetro) to try to accomplish what those who just look at the opposite sex are trying to prevent. BROKEN! DEFECTIVE! NOT WOMANLY! ALONE! ASHAMED! MISUNDERSTOOD! SELFISH! that's how I feel a lot of the time. It's like you have this awful secret and there is just no one to share it with because no one seems to know or understand what you are going through. Yes, they try (some harder than others) but complete comprehension is just never achieved. Only those who have battled this lonely path in life or are exteremly close to someone who has, can understand some of what you are or have gone through (everyone's journey is different, therefore no one can completely understand 100% about your personal journey on this road or any other road that you have traveled through in this life, even when they want to with all their heart). I believe that PCOS just might be one of the most loneliest diseases that a woman can try to journey through.