Realizing

I have been thinking about this hysterectomy, the cancer, the PCOS and the Infertility a lot the past few days. I am beginning to realize why I am so heart broken. Justlike anyone with a disease, I wasn't give the choice to have it or not, I just was one of the "lucky" ones who drew the PCOS card that happened to include infertility. Which in turn killed pretty much all my girlhood dreams of being a mother to 4 or more children. I like all people with cancer wasn't give the choice if I would be one touched by this horrible disease or not, unfortunately for me it came as a package deal with the PCOS (unbeknownst to me). The cancer has taken way all my ability to have a say in not only my fertile years as to if I want more children but also in so many other ways. Ways that I am dreading learning about and going through.
I guess my point is that a majority of women who get hysterectomy are usually either doing so electively, are past child bearing years or have all the children that they plan to have. Yes, while I am almost 40, I am still in my child bearing years and probably would have had another 10 to 15 years left based on my family history. So see it essence something is being stolen from me. I actually will have to go through a grieving process, as if someone dear to me died. Isn't that strange to think of someone grieving the loss of their uterus? I just keep reminding myself that there is a bigger plan and that at least I was blessed with 1 child as there are so many women out there who never even be able to know what it is like to have even 1 child. I am trying to remember to count my blessings, not my losses.

The dreaded appointment (that ended up being a phone call instead)

My specialist called this afternoon. You know how you know it's going to happen, you brace yourself for it but you just end up not being strong enough to withstand the force of the blow? That is how that phone call ended up being for me.

As I stated in yesterdays blog post, the biopsy showed that the Endometrial Hyperplasia has returned. The specialist confirmed this today on the phone. She says she feels that it is no longer in my best interest health wise to continue to try for baby #2. She fears that the Endometrial Hyperplasia will turn to full blown uterine cancer while trying for #2. Having a 2nd baby was suppose to prolong my keeping my uterus. Guess it just wasn't in God's plan for either a 2nd baby or the keeping of my uterus any longer. That final door, has been slammed shut in my face.

I keep looking back, regretting decisions. I could have pushed, I should have pushed earlier to start having children. PCOS was still a "new" thing in medicine, even though as I said in previous posts, I believe it has been around for centuries. No one ever in the in the 20 plus years of having female issues (the last 14 years of which were diagnosed as PCOS) did anyone (except my specialist) ever tell me how important it was to my endometrial health to have a MONTHLY cycle. After I was diagnosed with PCOS, I was told once ever 3 to 6 months was healthy for me. Guess what (unless I was on the pill, which I never was) it wasn't. If I had be being given monthly progesterone treatments and had a monthly cycle, it is far less likely that I would be in the situation that I am in today. Yesterday, I googled Endometrial Hyperplasia PCOS and found that PCOS has now been found to drastically increase a woman's chance of uterine cancer. I never heard this before I met with my infertility specialist to try for baby #2. Though one page did offer suggestions on how to "prevent" it, it never mentioned having a monthly cycle was the most important (weight loss, eat less fat, treat your pcos  with progesterone treatments (which should give you your cycle but doesn't state that) and have a yearly pap (which a pap WILL NOT tell you if you have pcos----please don't think that it will)). I can not stress it enough, if you or anyone you know has abnormal cycles. Please seek a specialist, rule out things like PCOS for sure. If you (or they) are diagnosed with PCOS. Find a doctor well versed in it. Do all you can to keep your uterus healthy and make sure that unless you are on the pill you have a monthly cycle. If your doctor says you don't need to have one every month, find a new doctor. This truly is important, I would hate to see anyone with PCOS in my place, especially if they have read this warning. It's no joke.

Do not take for granted that what should be will be. There is no guarantee that woman will be able to become a mother in her lifetime or that a man will be able to father children in his. Take each day 1 at a time. Stand up for what you believe. Fight for what you want will your whole heart, being and soul. Above all accept (even if you can't understand the reasons why) what God gives you and the roads you will travel down in this lifetime. He has an ultimate reason and a purpose (possibly 1 or more of the following): 1. to teach you something   2. to use you to teach someone else something     3. to use you to be there for others who will follow down the same path     No, God doesn't do bad things to us but He can allow them to happen for a lot of reasons. We just need to lean on Him and be prepared to see why we were chosen to endure.

The last thing that I want to say in this post is more of a reminder, You are your own best advocate. NO ONE knows your body as well as you do. If you do not agree with what the doctor is telling you, you have the right to walk out, to "fire" them, to seek a second (and even third, possibly a fourth (or more)) opinion. Never, ever stand for second best when it comes to your body, your health and/or well being in any fashion of the way. Stand up for you, because most likely no one else will do it for you (unless they are paid to do so and even then, they tend to have their own agenda).

Latest Biopsy Result

Please note this is information that was given to me this morning from my Gyno and not my specialist. Since the Gyno, didn't have anything to do with the biopsy surgery, they are only going by the paper work that they received a copy of from my specialist. So I only have the brief bit of information that I was given by them.

The biopsy came back showing that the Endometerial Hyperplasia has returned. What this exactly means, I don't know. It could be, it's back to where I was in 2010 or it could be now at the A-Typia level (meaning uterine cancer). I have a post-opt follow up with my specialist on Thursday. I will know more then. However, I can tell you I feel resigned to the fact that a hysterectomy is in my near future .... most likely by the end of this year. Chance for baby number 2, dropping drastically .... becoming just a silly whim.

In a strange way I am relieved to have this over with but in another I am breaking in my heart. I hate all this teetering between emotions that I have been experiencing since this all began. I am just ready to accept whatever it is that I am suppose to accept. I realize that I have been given this "cross" to bear by God for a reason, now just to figure out why and how to use it to His Glory.

Will post a more detailed update sometime after I see the specialist on Thursday. It may take me a few day to process and accept what I am told ( I know I just said I was relieved .... see what I mean by teetering between emotions?).

Re-do Update

Today I went back in for a "re-do" of the ultrasound that I went in for on Saturday. Follicle still present (Praise the Lord), grew 2 more cm (now at 16) and the lining was still at the same measurement (HUGE Praise the Lord ----- this morning in the shower He reminded me that they told me that the Femara could cause the lining to be a little thicker). I am to give myself the shot of Ovidrel on Wednesday, we are to BD on Wednesday night and Friday morning (or night). I stopped by a dear friends house who is also a Strong Firm Believer in Christ, her husband, she and I laid hands on the Ovidrel and then we prayed for it to be effective, work, no side effects and that a baby would be conceived. (I SAY AMEN, AMEN, AMEN ..... I BELIEVE ..... PRAISE YOU GOD!!). Now it's all in God's hands, but then again it always has been.

Feeling Alone in a Crowded Room

I try so hard to remain upbeat, making sure not to lean to much on others when that is all I really want to do. I want a hug, an understanding caring shoulder to cry on, someone just to ask how are you doing and to actually care about my true response (to see beyond my false replies and forced smiles). Lately, I feel like I am in a crowded room but no one sees me standing there. I am walked around, talked over, and sometimes even made to feel smaller than a speck of dust. PCOS can be so damn lonely and add all the issues/complications, well  you might as well be wearing a huge scarlet letter. You sound like a hypochondriac but your not really, it's just that a disease like PCOS effects so many aspects of your life that it begins to take over not just your body but your whole being.

What a ride

Since I know no one really reads this blog, probably tired of hearing me drone on and on about PCOS and infertility. I feel I can share about these past 2 months and the roller coaster ride we were on. Boy was it some ride! Let's begin with the big secret that very few know about. We've been back on Clomid since November. Was taking 100mg treatments for 5 days a month. Nothing exciting happened the first 2 months. Cycle started like it should have and so forth. Not in Jan though, 28 days passed with no visit from A.F., pregnancy test -. 35 days passed still no A.F. and a - PG test, so I placed a call to the doctor. Wait another 3 days and then come in for a blood test if still no A.F.. Well, still no A.F., so went in for required blood test. Of course it was -. We thought for sure it would come up +. Felt bloated, crampy, tired, queasy and had several other PG type symptoms. Talk about feeling up, only to be sent crashing down. So they ended up, increasing the treatment another 50mg a day for the 5 days. Now I am taking 6 times what I took to get pregnant with our son. Another downside is that the ovulation tests are not showing a positive. So if, I don't get a positive this month or get pregnant, it'll be into the doctors next month after the treatment to have an vaginal ultra sound to see if I am ovulating. Oh the fun of trying to get PG. Hubby has been a trooper. This month we are trying very hard to stick to the every other day schedule. While this should be the fun part, at times it can feel like a job instead of a pleasure.

My advice, thoughts and opinions on PCOS

A lot of women  may not be aware that they have PCOS. The list of symptoms is so long and varies so much from woman to woman. It's not a one size fits all disease. Some women are simply "diagnosed" that they most likely have PCOS. A lot of these women will most likely not be given the proper information about this disease. They will be left on their own to figure it out, some will search to find the answers but some will not know the importance of getting the right information until they want to conceive a child. Some women end upl "self diagnose" themselves as having it but not know what to do or where to go after that. Most gyno's knowledge of this disease fall between very little knowledge to moderate knowledge. They don't want to deal with the issues that go with it. You see PCOS has such a wide range of side effects, that a lot of the issues go outside gynecology. If you have PCOS you actually need to see specialists, unfortunately there aren't specialist (at least that I am aware of and trust me I have searched) that deal only with this disease or are 100 % knowledgeable with this disease and are able to deal with ALL the issues and side effects that come with this disease. Really the knowledge of PCOS is still in it's infancy. A doctor who deals souly with PCOS would be ideal, because it's not a one size fits all disease, it tends to vary per customer (so to speak). However that is not the case, you need to see an Endocrinologist and a Woman's Health Specialist (and no that isn't a simply Gyno or Obgyn). Endocrinologist specialize in the field of Endocrine and it's diseases. Now I must be honest the one Endocrinologist that I saw for over 3 yrs never really dealt with my PCOS, she dealt more with my diabetes (which just happens can be one of those wonderful side effects of PCOS). I was referred to her originally for my PCOS by my gyno but she just never dealt with it unless I asked her a specific question in regards to it. I have recently been told a story about someone who also saw an Endocrinologist, who simply told her to loose weight and all her issues would go away and she would be able to get pregnant. Yes, while loosing weight can help a lot with PCOS it's simply is not the end all answer. First of all, to me that is misleading information as she'll still have PCOS and loosing weight simply will not get you pregnant. The true fact is, is that it can help to increase your chance of getting pregnant (but will not insure that you will get pregnant) and it more likely being a viable one, that is it. Yes loosing weight can also help a few of the symptoms of PCOS disappear over time. Second of all, weight is one of the symptoms of PCOS and most PCOS women deal with being overweight. Loosing weight for a PCOS woman is a life long struggle, that can be exasperating and yielding in very little results over a long period of time. We have to 100% harder than average person to loose even a pound. Food simply isn't a PCOS woman's friend. Back to the Endocrinologist, you will need to find one that is knowledgeable in the field of PCOS -- as it seems that not all Endocrinologist seem to be in this area. It may take a little bit of "shopping around" to find the right fit. Before I go any further, please know that this information is just a matter of opinion based on my own personal experiences with PCOS and the stories that I have heard from other women who also have to deal with PCOS on a daily basis. In my circle of friends and acquaintances, I know of at least 11 of us who are journeying through this pretty much little known world of PCOS. My personal opinion is that PCOS has been around since the fall of man. Because of the wide range of symptoms that a woman can have, it went undiagnosed pretty much until the late 20th century. If you think about the Fat Lady and the Bearded Lady in the circus and side shows, to me it seems highly provable that they suffered PCOS and it's symptoms. This is why I say the knowledge of PCOS is still in it's infancy. There is still just not much known about it. I also have noticed a common factor in a lot of my friends, a lot of us seem to have a family member (like a great grandma, grandparent and/or parent) who had Diabetes and/or Infertility issues themselves. This leads me to think that there might be a gene or some other inherited factor to PCOS. While I am pretty knowledgeable with PCOS, that doesn't mean to say that I am an expert by any means. For all I know, researchers have already come to this same conclusion about there being a gene or hereditary factor. I do know that my specialist told me that if I had a daughter that there would be a chance that she would have PCOS too. Okay now on to what I mean about a Woman's Health Specialist. I am talking about an infertility specialist, even if you aren't thinking about or trying to get pregnant. In my personal experience they seem to be the most equipped and knowledgeable to deal with PCOS as a whole. They have a better tendency of hearing you out and giving you the proper knowledge about PCOS. They aren't in a rush to get to the next lady and give her a pap smear and yearly exam, so she can be on her way. They seem to know that PCOS isn't a one size fits all disease. They will have a lot of answers and not just for the infertility side of it. To me they are worth their weight in gold. No just because you see an infertility specialist (make sure that they are knowledgeable in Woman's Health issues not just a get you pregnant doctor --- like "shopping around" for an Endocrinologist, you most likely will have to do so with this type of doctor too) doesn't mean your insurance wont cover it and label you infertile. As long as you are seeing them for health issues and not to get pregnant, your insurance should cover them. So far my insurance has covered everything that wasn't related with trying to get pregnant. What I mean is last year when I was trying to get pregnant they didn't cover the meds, most of the check ups -- including the ultrasounds and the like to see if we were successful. But when they found the hyperplasia and all the surgeries that I had to have to get that under control, it was covered. They have covered all my progesterone shots in the past and present that I have needed to "jump start" my cycle when it doesn't come on it's own. They have covered all the ultrasounds for checking on my ovaries for cysts and growths, even now after the trying to get pregnant and the hyperplasia. And just because you are seeing an Woman's Health Specialist doesn't label you infertile and uncoverable by your insurance company. We've had 3 or 4 different insurance companies since I was diagnosed with PCOS and I have never been denied coverage for it. Basically your health is important, you are your own best advocate. Remember you have to live with your body and your health issues, they don't. You know your body and what works and what doesn't (point in case, I know that taking progesterone pills don't work for me. That I have to get a shot of it. My gyno tried to argue with me and tell me that taking the pills were the new way of doing things. Well while this may be true, it's not what works for me and my body. It may simply be that because I have had to have progesterone intervention so much and it has always been done by a shot, that that is what my body has become accustom to. A sudden high dose of progesterone all at one time, not small doses give over a 5 to 7 day period. To me if a doctor is going to argue with you about what you know is best for your body, then they need to be "fired" by you. They need to be able to work with you, listen to you and come up with a plan that works for you as an individual. Health issues of any kind don't seem to be one kind fits all and therefore treatments will vary and individuals vary. Also please know that if you are dieting, any type of diet (even the PCOS diet), results will vary per individual. What works for one might not work at all for another. We are each unique individuals and because of that nothing really is one size fits all, it's more like one size might fit some and at best, most). Do your research, be knowledgeable and go armed, when you see your doctor(s). Find doctors who are knowledgeable, willing to listen and help. If your doctor isn't, then "shop around" for one that is and will. There is nothing wrong with finding a doctor who fulfills and goes beyond your expectations, because your health is nothing to take lightly. PCOS is nothing to deal with on your own, simply because of it's wide range of symptoms. Like I said earlier ultimately a doctor who dealt souly with PCOS would be ultimate but since that doesn't seem to be a possibility at this time (if you do happen to be a very fortunate soul and have a rare doctor who does this, then let it be known so that others can benefit from them), we have to do the next best thing, take our time and see a couple of doctors. Ultimately try to get them to communicate and even possibly work together, for the betterment of your health. Once again, these are just my thoughts and opinions, based on my own experiences and what I have heard from others who also suffer from this disease. Finally, I want to beseech you, that if you are a woman who suffers from PCOS and it's various symptoms, please share with others your journey, your walks and your trials with this disease. I know it's a very demeaning, demoralizing, de-womanizing disease and something that embarrasses a lot of women. If you are reading this because you know a woman who is effected by this disease, then please go to her, ask her about it and most of all honestly listen to what she has to say. Encourage her to open up with other women and share her experiences. I belief that part of the reason so little is still known about PCOS, is because we don't talk about it openly with each other as women.

Over Half of a Lifetime!

It just dawned on me that since I was almost 17 1/2 yrs old I have been trying to have a baby. That means that over half of my life I have spent being poked, prodded, probed, tested, medicated, arguing with doctors who just don't seem to know or understand what is wrong, and so on, just to become a mother. 10 yrs ago (this coming August) I was blessed with becoming pregnant and being able to give birth to our beautiful son (our miracle--in May of the following year). But since then I have spent a lot of time in doctor's offices, with my legs in stir-ups with people looking at my most intimate area all for the sake of being able to be blessed again. I have gone as far as poking myself with a needle in my stomach and putting pills in places where pills just should not go, in hopes of becoming pregnant. I joke about the fact that I don't have to take pills or precautions to prevent an "unwanted" pregnancy like other women, instead I have to do just the opposite, I have to go to almost the ends of the earth (the women who go to the ends of the earth on this same quest in my opinion are the ones that have no other choice but invetro) to try to accomplish what those who just look at the opposite sex are trying to prevent. BROKEN! DEFECTIVE! NOT WOMANLY! ALONE! ASHAMED! MISUNDERSTOOD! SELFISH! that's how I feel a lot of the time. It's like you have this awful secret and there is just no one to share it with because no one seems to know or understand what you are going through. Yes, they try (some harder than others) but complete comprehension is just never achieved. Only those who have battled this lonely path in life or are exteremly close to someone who has, can understand some of what you are or have gone through (everyone's journey is different, therefore no one can completely understand 100% about your personal journey on this road or any other road that you have traveled through in this life, even when they want to with all their heart). I believe that PCOS just might be one of the most loneliest diseases that a woman can try to journey through.

Hyperplasia Update

Had to go have a sonogram yesterday, what joy! There was a cyst on the right ovary and the lining was slightly thick. Other than that everything looked okay. Cycles are coming pretty regularly. Had to get a shot last month but not this month. As long as everything continues as it's going, I wont have to have another surgery until the spring, if even then. It would be nice not to have to have another one for a while. I had way to many of them last year. My hair doesn't seem to be growing as quickly and I wonder if it's still not from that high progesterone treatment. Coming off that stuff messed with me something awful. I pray I never have to go through that again. In October I went to hair dresser and the gal, cut off all the effected hair. You could see where the new growth that came in after I went off the medicine started and where the old growth was. I ended up with an awful haircut to just remove the effected hair. I do have to say though that my hair pretty much has stopped coming out in fistfuls in the shower since it was cut. That was very freaky. I am being very serious about this, if you have don't have a regular monthly cycle (especially one that doesn't come at least every 3 months) get your hinney into the doctor now and if they don't listen to you see a specialist in Female Reproductive Health. Not having a month cycle is a very dangerous thing, especially if you have something like PCOS. If your doctor doesn't know about PCOS and you think you have it . Arm yourself with information, be your own advocate (this also goes for any other type of aliment). That is what I had to do, I got tired of arguing with doctors who couldn't find out what was wrong. It's frustrating. Surprisingly there are still a lot of doctors out there that have no clue (even specialists) about PCOS, sometimes you have to guide them more then they will guide you through it.

Secrets

Wow! September and October were great, awesome months. Received my cycle on time with not intervention, which was WOW!!! moments for me. PRAISE THE LORD! To me that was God. He gave me 2 months with no intervention (shots -- i.e. jump-starts as I call them). That is a blessings, it may seem small to most but to someone who has to spend every month knowing that if their cycle doesn't show with in 35 days, it's off to the doctor's where they will have to take a (depressing --- because it's always negative) pregnancy test (to me it's like a form of torture that I have to go through monthly --- worse than the actual shot by 100's on a pain scale), wait 2 hours in town and then come back to get the shot that I already know in my heart that I will have to have. They have to do that test though, just in case and I respect that, because if a miracle did happen I wouldn't want to be given a progesterone shot that could end in tragedy.This month has not been so WOW! Looks like I will be needing a jump-start this coming week. I haven't been very good with in the year with trying to keep off the weight I lost. I gained back 10lbs of it. I need to get it back off. It was so hard this past summer to get motivated, as it was blistering hot here and to go outside and walk 2x's a day was just hot, draining and tiring to think about let alone do. I do watch the scale and try not to over do it, but it's not always easy. I need to get moving again. I have a secret, but I can't go into because I promised not to. All I can do is ask that if you read this blog, to please pray for an unspoken prayer request for the writer of this blog. As always I put everything in God's Plans and Will for my life. He is ultimately in charge, I put my complete faith and trust in Him as always.  

Feelings About Life Right Now

It's hard to grasp knowing that you will definitely get cancer in your lifetime, no mights, maybes or probablies about it. What's even harder to grasp than that is knowing that you can prevent this certain type of cancer with an operation and a removal of an organ. However removing this organ is finalizing not only the possibility of cancer but of ever being able to hold another baby of your own. Knowing that that season of your life will be gone before it's time is up. There will be no more hope for a miracle, the door will be slammed shut on that possibility ever taking place. But even though holding another baby would be a dream, a miracle come true ... is being selfish the right road to take, knowing what it will mean in the future? A hysterectomy seems so final, so end of the road. Yes life will go on, but a hysterectomy changes you forever. You question (even though thousands of women have them every year, some like you who didn't choose that option as a form of birth control but for life and death reasons) will I still be a woman in my husbands eyes? Is it true I could loose my libido? You'll be being thrust into early menopause. Then your mind goes back again to that never held baby, the one of your hearts desire. Is it worth it to slam the door shut and not allow every chance you can for that miracle to take place. Especially when you have been taught and seen with your own eyes God heal others and provide miracles. Then you start to wonder why was I choose to go down this path in life? Did I do something wrong? Am I being punished? Am I not worthy in God's eyes to be a Mom again? Not to mention this path, this road feels so lonely, so very lonely and frightening. There are days you can't think because it brings tears, deep sadness and anger. You want to shout "WHY ME? WHAT DID I EVER DO?" You think how this disease, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) can cause so many things that people just don't understand. Weight gain for one, how people look at you and think you are a fat, lazy slob of a person because your overweight. They don't know how you struggle every day with what you see in the mirror. The facial hair, the diabetes, the loss of your hair and then theres the possibilities of getting Endometrial Hyperplasia due to lack of having a monthly cycle on a regular basis because the uterine lining isn't shedding like God intended it too. Then there is the inevitable, dreaded "I" word. Infertility! You go through an emotional roller coaster each and every day, will my cycle come? Am I pregnant? Did it work this month? Not to mention what going through Infertility Treatments will do to you emotionally (let's just forget the cost for now, which can be astronomical). Adoption, that seems to be everyones answer for you. Just adopt. Or even better yet, stop "trying" and you before you know it you'll be pregnant. STOP SAYING THAT TO WOMEN, please I really mean it. It truly is one of the worst things you can say to a woman (or a couple) who has been trying to get pregnant. Also do not mention how if you could trade places with them you would, you know that isn't going to happen (unless you are willing to offer them your uterus and give up the baby you carried for 9 months --- then only say it if this is what you truly are willing to do). While we know you truly aren't meaning harm by your comments, it still hurts and feels like someone is stabbing you in the heart. It hurts! Sometimes a simple hug or a day with a friend (and trying to steer us away from the topic) is the best medicine we can get at the time.
God has a plan (we just have to be willing to accept it and know that He's there (even when it seems no one else is) through it all) and as Laura Story's song Blessings says "Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise"

Day 4

Well, today is day 4 of my new way of eating. The doctor told me that if I was to loose weight I would be more likely to stop the progression of the Endrometrial Hyperplasia and it could even help to regress it. On Monday, I weighed in at 218 and I need to get down to 125 over time...it is going to be a very long road and I know that I might never get down that far but even a 10% loss can help with the PCOS and the symptoms that accompany it. Basically I am going to take it one day at a time on this part of the journey. Currently I am trying to stick to about 1700 calories and 190 grams of carbs a day. I am going to be realistic about this because after all I am married and I have a kid, so there will be times when the new way of eating might have to take a day or two off. I haven't begun the exercising part yet. I decided to get use to the trying to eat 6 times a day, stay within my goals for the calorie and carb intake, keep a food journal and make sure that I take my medicine twice a day like I am suppose to (I am on day 10 of a 90 day Progestrone treatment). I bet you noticed that I don't say the "D" word when referring to eating, that is just a word I can't stand and refuse to use. This is a lifestyle change, and I am not doing it because I have a 20yr High School Reunion in a year or because I want to fit into a bikini, I am doing it to better my health. So far, I am doing good and keeping very much on top of my goals. I just hope that I don't loose steam over time.

The Call

I got the call yesterday from my infertility specialist, she's the one that performed my hysteroscopy on the 15th. The news isn't good. She says that I do indeed have Endometrial Hyperplasia. There are 4 stages to this. Right now basically I am in the pre-cancerous stage (Simple to Complex). If it was cancer the word Atypia would accompany it. Thankfully, while this is scary, it is very treatable but it does increase my chances of Uterine Cancer about 100% in my life time. I am going to go on a 3 month treatment of Progesterone....40mg twice a day (this is a very high dosage). Then I will go back in, in Sept for another hysteroscopy to see if the treatment helped to regress the Endometrial Hyperplasia. If it did, they want a pregnancy ASAP and of course for us that means going back on infertility treatments. The reason for this is because your body produces large amounts of natural progesterone during pregnancy which would be a huge plus for me and then if you BF, you produce progesterone during that time...but it can't be supplemental BFing. If it hasn't regressed or has progressed even further, then it is a hysterectomy ASAP. That means no more trying for a 2nd baby, that means God has chosen our path in life for sure. I know that may sound harsh to some, but I have and will always believe that God gives us burdens like this for a reason (sometimes it is just to grow in Him as His child), we might not understand it at the time it is going on but He will let know His reasons and purpose when the time is right. God is in control ultimately. I can lean on Him and He will carry me when I need to be carried down this path of life. Sure I get upset and depressed at times (I spent most of yesterday afternoon crying), after all I am only human and I don't fully understand the whole reason for this path that I am on but I know that ultimately God does and I trust Him. I want to remind everyon if you are facing a trial in your life that deals with your health, you are your own best advocate when it comes to your body, your disease and what you want to happen but ALWAYS take it to God in Prayer and seek His guidance. I have found during this journey that not all doctors or specialist know everything that there is to be known about your disease, and they defiantly don't always tell you everything that you need to know about it either. Research, read, chat with others, seek 2nd opinions and most importantly take care of your body. If you have PCOS like me, did you know that there are ways you can reverse it...it wont make it go away but you can keep it and those nasty other little friends of it undercontrol and live almost symptom free. Keeping your weight in check is one of the best ways, but you see no one (doctors) ever told me that. I see an endocronologist and she has never once in over the 2 yrs I have been seeing her mentioned loosing weight, even when I started gaining more. I always thought it was because she knew how hard it is for a PCOS woman to loose weight...but watching your calorie and carb intake, and exercising (and not being seditary) is one of the best things we PCOS girls can do for our bodies.

The Big Day

Well, today is the "big" day...surgery day. I am some what scared but know that this will help to determine why my lining doesn't want to seem to thin down like it is suppose to. I am so worried that they will find cancer. You know I never thought that I would ever say that word when refering to me, but then again I bet everyone in the world, especially those with cancer say the same thing. Praying for a uneventful surgery and a speedy recovery.

Pre-Operation Appointment

Went in to the doctor today for the pre-opt appointment about the hysteroscopy and DNC. It was a good appointment over all. I was informed however of the risks that can accompany these procedures. There is a chance that the uterus is punctured and then they will have to stop the procedure or they could do a laperoscopy and sew the puncture closed and continue. Oh Joy! That sounds like fun, not! There is also a chance of hemorrhaging, infection and scaring. If a polyp is found they will scrap just that area and send it off to the lab, if no polyp is found then they will scarp the whole uterine lining and send it off to the lab. If all comes back clear we can proceed with the fertility treatments...she did say even if it comes back with a probability of cancer, we could still do the treatments. Praying, Praying!

It's Finalized

Today, is was the first day of Homeschool Convention and guess what I get less than an hour there... the phone call from the surgery scheduler. I have to go in on the 10th of June for a Pre-Operation Appointment, the Hysteroscopy and DNC is scheduled for the 15th of June at 1pm. I then have to wait until the 28th of June to go in for the Post-Operation Follow-Up Appointment. BREATHING!!!! God is in Control!

OK, Take A Deep Breath and Breath!

Heard back from the nurse, she said not to go forward with the fertility treatments. They want to do a surgical hysteroscopy and scraping of the uterine lining. They feel that there might be polyps or something else that isn't allowing the lining to thin like it should. Here comes those words again...Endometrial Hyperplasia and Cancer. Trying very hard to remember to take it 1 day at a time, breath and God is in control! I have to wait now for the gal from the clinic who schedules the surgeries to call me back...and they couldn't tell me when exactly that might be...so it is wait again!

Seriously??!!!???

Seriously? My lining is 13mm thick (it should be less than 5mm). So here we go again with the Endometrial Hyperplasia. The nurse wants to wait to talk to the doctor and she wont be in until tomorrow but she did speak with the other doctors that are in the office and they said not to start the fertility treatments, that the thickness of my lining is of great concern to them. I feel like I just hit a brick wall and took about 10 steps backward on this journey. While I know ultimately this is all in God's hands...why this again? So once again, I wait to hear what I am to do.

Not This Time!

Well, my "friend" came to visit. So we go back to the drawing board. I go into see the doctor on 1st to see where we go from here. Hopefully another round of treatments.

Are You Joking?

I have to order another pen, this time 2 shots worth. Take 1 more shot and then the FSH on Wednesday. Then Business! Then start those Progestrone pills on Sunday and wait to see if we were successful! Well, no one said this was going to be easy. Just remember this is all in God's Hands! After all, it's His plans ultimately not ours!