So Many New Changes

DH is now taking 50 mg of Clomid daily. We should see an increase in sperm production and less of the issues created by low testosterone levels in 4 to 6 weeks (so the middle to end of May). I think this wait may be the hardest, that darn clock is starting to tick louder and louder. I am now taking Famara and not Clomid. I am LH testing to see if I get an LH spike or not this time. We were never truly sure that I had a LH spike (that means your ovulating) while on the Clomid or not. DH has to go back to the male infertility specialist in July for a new semen count. We are praying for an increase in sperm, sperm motility and a higher testosterone level (over 300, his is currently 161). I ended up having to go this past month to get yet another progesterone shot. So that added to the whole waiting issue on my part. No Cycle equals a longer wait. This is detrimental to our time line, because that means a shot for me. That means more time waiting, you have to wait about 5 to 10 days for the progesterone to do it's job once you receive the shot (or pill). The pill doesn't work for me, it does nothing. It's like my body rejects it in that form. So it's a shot or nothing. 3 months ago, I had my first reaction ever to a progesterone shot. Truthfully it freaked me out. If I can't get the shot when I need it due to an allergic reaction then I am in big trouble. We might as well stop and let them do the hysterectomy now. Thankfully with this last shot there was no reaction.

National Infertility Awareness Week

For those of us who have dealt with or are dealing with infertility issues, this past week was National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28). Please lend an ear, a shoulder and a hug to someone who is going down this path. It's a hard path to travel. Sometimes we just need someone to listen to us, hear our hurts, pains and struggles without judging us (unless you have walked this path (and even if you have, your experiences were/are different than anyone else's....unique to you and their's unique to them) you can never truly know all the heartbreak and pain that is dealt with on a daily basis). We get enough advice from all our doctors and specialists but they aren't our friends or loved ones. Doctors can give medical guidance but not loving support.

April 27th Jesus Calling Devotional

Today's Jesus Calling by Sarah Young spoke to my heart:

Welcome problems as a perspective-lifters. My children tend to sleepwalk through their days until they bump into an obstacles that stymies them. If you encounter a problem with no immediate solution, your response to that situation will take you either up or down. You can lash out at the difficulty, resenting it and feeling sorry for yourself. This will take you down into a pit of self-pity. Alternatively, the problem can be a ladder, enabling you to climb up and see your life from My perspective. Viewed from above, the obstacle that frustrated you is only a light and momentary trouble. Once your perspective has been heightened, you can look away from the problem altogether. Turn toward Me, and see the Light of My Presence shining upon you. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18; Psalm 89:15

Urologist Update

DH was able to get in to see the Urologist on the 17th of this month. Of course it's not the doctor that my I.F. Specialist recommended but he is in the same office and they said that all the doctors work together. So that is a plus. A nurse (a different one from yesterday) called me this afternoon to tell me that DH's labs and so forth were faxed over to the Urologist. I asked her about the S.A. that he had done yesterday. She said that the mobility was about about 40% (she said it wasn't the worst she has seen by any means). I personally feel if he cuts back and eventually gives up smoking, looses some weight and is given the Clomid, things could turn around for him in no time. Not sure if that will mean a baby for us but at least we wont loose our intamacy. It's very important to me that we don't loose that, its a connection that we only share with each other and no one else, it's ours alone. I still haven't started (34 days late and counting, yep that means a pg test on Monday and a call to the doctors for a shot (probably on Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest). Not 100% sure if we'll be starting the Zamara this month or if we'll be waiting until next month to allow DH to see the Urologist.

I read a really good  devotional in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young this morning. I wont share all of it, but this is the part that really spoke to my heart: When you focus on what you don't have or on situations that displease you, your mind also becomes darkened. You take for granted life, salvation, sunshine, flowers, and countless other gifts from Me (incase you haven't read this devotional, it is written as if Jesus His self was talking to you directly). You look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life until that is "fixed."  When you appoarch Me with thanksgiving, the Light of my Presence pours into you, transforming you through and through. Walk in the Light with me by practicing the discipline of thanksgiving.  verses to look up Psalm 116:17; 1 John 1:7

A morning of tears

This morning ended up being a super teary morning. I haven't cried this much in quite awhile. DH (Darling Husband) had gone to have his S.A. done. I get a call about 930 from the Dr's office (which scared me at first that something happened to DH while he was there). The nurse (who in my opinion was very unsympathetic and kinda crass) tells me that they received the results of the blood tests that the Dr. wanted DH to have done. Well 2 of them showed low levels. Which is not good. She was just not listening to me (the nurse) so I told her to have the Dr. call me back personally. Well, when I saw the doctor last week, she never mentioned (even though she is swearing up and down that she did) that if these were low DH would have to go to another Dr. (an Urologist), who could prescribe the Clomid for him. She tells me it can take 2 months or longer to get into one. I  of course start crying just because of the stress all this information was causing me.Of course I am stressing because it means more money, more issues, more time (it can take between 4-6 months for the changes to happen in a man that are necessary to achieve pregnancy) and the list just goes on and on. I don't know if this is God slamming the doors closed and we should just give up, or do we keep trying and see if any door is still open to us and the possibility of another baby? I also fear for our marriage (i.e. intimacy) if we don't go see the urologist because of the issues DH is having.