Not So Quick

Well, my DH threw me a curve ball after I had started to accept that we were at the end of our journey. He feels that we should do as we originally decided and keep trying until the end of the year. My specialist agrees with him, she really feels that having a baby is the healthiest choice for me (compared to a hysterectomy ... it would give me up to 3 more years with my uterus putting me at about 43 instead of 40). I saw her yesterday, she said that the lining is indeed on the thick side and there were some polyps present. So I am off again to have another hysteroscopy in the next week or two. After that, if the results of the surgery deems it safe, we will continue on with try. We'll be changing from just doing femara, to doing femara, with monitoring via vaginal ultrasounds for follicles followed by an ovidrel shot. Now to the sad news, my specialist (and I) feel that there was success last month but it didn't become a viable pregnancy. Last Saturday I was plagued with the worst cramping and back pains, I have experienced (except for the other time it was thought that I had miscarried, clear back in 95). Given that info, and other info she felt that it was highly probable that a miscarriage took place. My DH (bless his heart) says that even though this is sad, at least it's a positive because we know that we can accomplish conception....now to try and accomplish a viable pregnancy.

Male Infertility Doctor Follow Up Appointment

DH had his 3 month follow up with the male infertility doctor. His Testosterone levels were 160 when they tested him and now with the Clomid it's in the 430's range (that is where we need it and want it to be at ... while 160 is still considered in the normal range, it's at the very low end of the it). He has to go in in about 14 days to have a count done, praying that this will also show a marked improvement. We also found out that as long as he doesn't get any adverse side effects from the Clomid, he can stay on it as long as needed. We were very concerned about synthetic testosterone treatments due to the side effects but more importantly the effects it could have on Lil' Man being male and around it.
I can tell a difference in DH's sex drive, he is more apt to want it and get frustrated if he doesn't get it when in the mood. While most women would be upset with this, not me! I am loving it! My DH has been pretty A-sexual since the beginning. He could pretty much not get it and be okay. As a woman with PCOS (for those who may not know this fact: Women with PCOS tend to have a much higher sex drive) I pretty much want it all the time. So for me this news about his Testosterone levels being over the 300 that my infertility specialist wants him at and his newly "found" interest makes me a very happy girl. Finally, things seem to be going in the right direction (at least where he is concerned)....now, if I just knew for sure if this Femara was working or not. 

Hubby to go for follow up and an update

Hubby goes in on the 11th of July to the Urologist for a follow up on his testosterone levels to see if the Clomid is working for him. From my point of view it is. :0) He went today to have his blood work done, we want (need) his levels to be at least twice (they were 161) what they were last time. Not sure what will happen if they aren't because that is the lowest that they want them at (300), preferably higher. We are unsure how long he can safely remain on the Clomid, for the time being his prescription is 12 months. I am hoping that he can continue to take it for a while longer. I don't want him to go on testosterone treatments because it has adverse effects not to mention we have a son about to hit puberty and are unsure what the side effects could be for him (my understanding is that it actually can permeate through the skin of the user and effect others who are exposed to it daily). We don't want to do anything that could effect him negatively his reproductive future. It's just not worth it in the long run. 
As far as me, I am still not getting a spike on the ovulation kits. However I am crampy during the few days that I should be ovulating. Not sure if this is a good sign or a bad one. I know if I say something to my fertility specialist, she'll want to start doing costly ultra sounds to see if I am ovulating and that could be up to a couple times a month and insurance doesn't cover it at all. I have a feeling though that it might come to that sooner than later, if we aren't successful. 
We thought for sure (again) that this last month was the month. Had tons of "symptoms", come to find out researching Femara further that a lot of the "symptoms" could also be from it as well as "change of life" symptoms. Great huh? I thought since I was only taking it for 5 days a month, I wouldn't be cursed with the side effects of the Femara. That doesn't seem to be be the issue at all. A nice side effect that seems to be plaguing me (again ---- last time it was from the Megace) is a lot more of my hair coming out. Trying not to let this bother me. It was so hard with the Megace, it took almost 6 months after coming off the Megace for my hair to grow back but not like it was prior to taking it. I guess you have to give a little sometimes to gain something greater. Will it be worth it all in the end, if we are successful? YES!!!! YES!!!!! YES!!!!

So Many New Changes

DH is now taking 50 mg of Clomid daily. We should see an increase in sperm production and less of the issues created by low testosterone levels in 4 to 6 weeks (so the middle to end of May). I think this wait may be the hardest, that darn clock is starting to tick louder and louder. I am now taking Famara and not Clomid. I am LH testing to see if I get an LH spike or not this time. We were never truly sure that I had a LH spike (that means your ovulating) while on the Clomid or not. DH has to go back to the male infertility specialist in July for a new semen count. We are praying for an increase in sperm, sperm motility and a higher testosterone level (over 300, his is currently 161). I ended up having to go this past month to get yet another progesterone shot. So that added to the whole waiting issue on my part. No Cycle equals a longer wait. This is detrimental to our time line, because that means a shot for me. That means more time waiting, you have to wait about 5 to 10 days for the progesterone to do it's job once you receive the shot (or pill). The pill doesn't work for me, it does nothing. It's like my body rejects it in that form. So it's a shot or nothing. 3 months ago, I had my first reaction ever to a progesterone shot. Truthfully it freaked me out. If I can't get the shot when I need it due to an allergic reaction then I am in big trouble. We might as well stop and let them do the hysterectomy now. Thankfully with this last shot there was no reaction.

Urologist Update

DH was able to get in to see the Urologist on the 17th of this month. Of course it's not the doctor that my I.F. Specialist recommended but he is in the same office and they said that all the doctors work together. So that is a plus. A nurse (a different one from yesterday) called me this afternoon to tell me that DH's labs and so forth were faxed over to the Urologist. I asked her about the S.A. that he had done yesterday. She said that the mobility was about about 40% (she said it wasn't the worst she has seen by any means). I personally feel if he cuts back and eventually gives up smoking, looses some weight and is given the Clomid, things could turn around for him in no time. Not sure if that will mean a baby for us but at least we wont loose our intamacy. It's very important to me that we don't loose that, its a connection that we only share with each other and no one else, it's ours alone. I still haven't started (34 days late and counting, yep that means a pg test on Monday and a call to the doctors for a shot (probably on Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest). Not 100% sure if we'll be starting the Zamara this month or if we'll be waiting until next month to allow DH to see the Urologist.

I read a really good  devotional in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young this morning. I wont share all of it, but this is the part that really spoke to my heart: When you focus on what you don't have or on situations that displease you, your mind also becomes darkened. You take for granted life, salvation, sunshine, flowers, and countless other gifts from Me (incase you haven't read this devotional, it is written as if Jesus His self was talking to you directly). You look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life until that is "fixed."  When you appoarch Me with thanksgiving, the Light of my Presence pours into you, transforming you through and through. Walk in the Light with me by practicing the discipline of thanksgiving.  verses to look up Psalm 116:17; 1 John 1:7

A morning of tears

This morning ended up being a super teary morning. I haven't cried this much in quite awhile. DH (Darling Husband) had gone to have his S.A. done. I get a call about 930 from the Dr's office (which scared me at first that something happened to DH while he was there). The nurse (who in my opinion was very unsympathetic and kinda crass) tells me that they received the results of the blood tests that the Dr. wanted DH to have done. Well 2 of them showed low levels. Which is not good. She was just not listening to me (the nurse) so I told her to have the Dr. call me back personally. Well, when I saw the doctor last week, she never mentioned (even though she is swearing up and down that she did) that if these were low DH would have to go to another Dr. (an Urologist), who could prescribe the Clomid for him. She tells me it can take 2 months or longer to get into one. I  of course start crying just because of the stress all this information was causing me.Of course I am stressing because it means more money, more issues, more time (it can take between 4-6 months for the changes to happen in a man that are necessary to achieve pregnancy) and the list just goes on and on. I don't know if this is God slamming the doors closed and we should just give up, or do we keep trying and see if any door is still open to us and the possibility of another baby? I also fear for our marriage (i.e. intimacy) if we don't go see the urologist because of the issues DH is having.

DH's Appointment

DH had his appointment today. Good news he isn't on the bottom of the pile so to speak but he isn't at the top...he is basically average. He has to go back in 2 months, the doctor wants me to go with him. So back to the Clomid we go. Of course the doctor told DH he wanted him to loose some weight and to go back to not smoking. Ever since his accident it has been hit and miss with the smoking thing. I know he is trying and that is all I can ask of him. It is that time of year for me to go see my doctor, so we will see what she has to say now that DH's been to the doctors and all. Will keep you posted.

Update on DH's Test (UPDATED 7/11/08)

I will try to keep this family friendly but let you know what is happening. We finally got DH's test results back after almost 3 weeks of waiting on pins and needles. Count is good, mobility is down and some are misshapen (this is called Sperm morphology...this is usually seen in guys who are smokers or drinkers). We have been referred to a specialist (I think that he might be a Urologist). DH and I will be discussing this. I don't know how DH will feel about all the tests that I have read that they will want him to go through. Men are kinda funny about that stuff, well at least DH is. He had a hard enough time going to get this initial test done. So I will keep you posted on what we decide to do and if there is even something that we can do about it. I think some of this ties to DH's Accident that he had. I guess the specialist is the only one who will be able to clarify this for us though. Well just thought I would let you know. I know that this is a touchy subject with some of my readers, while others are very supportive and want to know. Sorry if I offend anyone. Just want to put it out there because we sure can use the prayers for God's guidance and will for us in this situation.

*****UPDATE*****
DH has agreed to go to see the doctor. However the doctor has a long wait to see him, so the appointment wont be until Sept 30th. In a lot of ways this is good, DH seeing the doctor that is. This will get some of the MEN tests that he needs to have done any way for health reasons. It is a Urologist that he will be seeing. They will preform various tests on him and then we will have to wait for the results, I am guessing that the wait will probably be as long as the wait we had on the initial test that started it all. Of course I will keep you posted as to what we find out. Thanks to everyone who is praying for us.

Waiting on Pins and Needles (update about DH's test)

Well here we sit, waiting on pins and needles for DH's test results. He went a week ago tomorrow to get his little "soldiers" counted. I just called the OBGYN's to see if they have gotten the results yet and they said it can take up to 10 days! 10 days??? 10 days with all this hi-tech technology that we have. Oie Vey! I just want this part over with so we know what we are dealing with and if a 2nd baby is even possible. I just can't handle all the ups and downs that come with waiting every month to see if we were successful or not. I will let you know what we find out.