Giving Up The Dream

I never shared this before on my blog but back in July when my Step-Sister was throwing a baby shower for my Step-Sister-In-Law, I gave up all the beautiful baby girl clothes that I had been collecting and storing in hopes that I would have a little girl to put them on. It was so hard. I cried while I packed that box to ship off. I cried after I put it into the mail. It broke my heart. It was so final. So in my face but it was my choice. I gave them to them so they would be lovingly used on a beautiful little girl. I had my Step-Sister give them to them in private. There was a gift for her to open at her shower that I bought especially for her. Just felt it was time to finally share this. It's been hard knowing that there is no longer baby girl clothes hanging up in our guest room closet in hopes of having a little girl in this home who will be able to wear them.

Secrets

Wow! September and October were great, awesome months. Received my cycle on time with not intervention, which was WOW!!! moments for me. PRAISE THE LORD! To me that was God. He gave me 2 months with no intervention (shots -- i.e. jump-starts as I call them). That is a blessings, it may seem small to most but to someone who has to spend every month knowing that if their cycle doesn't show with in 35 days, it's off to the doctor's where they will have to take a (depressing --- because it's always negative) pregnancy test (to me it's like a form of torture that I have to go through monthly --- worse than the actual shot by 100's on a pain scale), wait 2 hours in town and then come back to get the shot that I already know in my heart that I will have to have. They have to do that test though, just in case and I respect that, because if a miracle did happen I wouldn't want to be given a progesterone shot that could end in tragedy.This month has not been so WOW! Looks like I will be needing a jump-start this coming week. I haven't been very good with in the year with trying to keep off the weight I lost. I gained back 10lbs of it. I need to get it back off. It was so hard this past summer to get motivated, as it was blistering hot here and to go outside and walk 2x's a day was just hot, draining and tiring to think about let alone do. I do watch the scale and try not to over do it, but it's not always easy. I need to get moving again. I have a secret, but I can't go into because I promised not to. All I can do is ask that if you read this blog, to please pray for an unspoken prayer request for the writer of this blog. As always I put everything in God's Plans and Will for my life. He is ultimately in charge, I put my complete faith and trust in Him as always.