Realizing

I have been thinking about this hysterectomy, the cancer, the PCOS and the Infertility a lot the past few days. I am beginning to realize why I am so heart broken. Justlike anyone with a disease, I wasn't give the choice to have it or not, I just was one of the "lucky" ones who drew the PCOS card that happened to include infertility. Which in turn killed pretty much all my girlhood dreams of being a mother to 4 or more children. I like all people with cancer wasn't give the choice if I would be one touched by this horrible disease or not, unfortunately for me it came as a package deal with the PCOS (unbeknownst to me). The cancer has taken way all my ability to have a say in not only my fertile years as to if I want more children but also in so many other ways. Ways that I am dreading learning about and going through.
I guess my point is that a majority of women who get hysterectomy are usually either doing so electively, are past child bearing years or have all the children that they plan to have. Yes, while I am almost 40, I am still in my child bearing years and probably would have had another 10 to 15 years left based on my family history. So see it essence something is being stolen from me. I actually will have to go through a grieving process, as if someone dear to me died. Isn't that strange to think of someone grieving the loss of their uterus? I just keep reminding myself that there is a bigger plan and that at least I was blessed with 1 child as there are so many women out there who never even be able to know what it is like to have even 1 child. I am trying to remember to count my blessings, not my losses.