I am tired of people thinking that they know me and what I am feeling while I am going through this. Only I (and the Lord) truly know me that well, and only He and I know what I am feeling at this point in time. I am tired of people assuming that this was my decision (and acting/treating me like it was), that I elected to have a hysterectomy. No! No! No, I didn't! I didn't choose this for me, I was told & informed that this was the best choice for my health, my body and my life expectancy. If I don't want to chance leaving my young son motherless, than I have to take care of myself. Unfortunately, in order for me to do that, I have to have a hysterectomy. Let me grieve, it's a part of the process. I am not just grieving the loss of my uterus, but more importantly I am grieving the loss of my ever being able to have another child. Even though I am almost 40, it's still possible to have a child as long as you have all the proper parts and you body is producing eggs. So you see dreams are being murdered as far as I am concerned. Yes, I am going to take offense at this time of those who chose to complain about the 500 million children (I know that is an exaggeration --- but hopefully you see what I mean) God has chosen to bless them with. I am going to take offense when you're 8 months pregnant and complaining about just how awful being pregnant for the 100th millionth (I know another exaggeration) time is. I am going to take offense when you can never find a positive thing to say about your children, your spouse, or your marriage. I don't care if you don't like that I am going to be straight forward and tell you just exactly how I am feeling at that time about what you are gripping about, because yes, as far as I am concerned that is exactly what you are doing and how it is coming across to those around you (whether they choose to say so to your face or not, or even worse yet join you in your gripping session). You can pretend that you didn't realize what you were saying was offensive but deep down you know you were complaining and gripping about your blessings. Why am I the one being punished, while all you do is sit back and complain about what God has given you? Granted I haven't walked in your shoes or gone through what you have, but then again you haven't walked in mine either. You can blog about your perfect parenting skills and boast about how wonderful of a parent you are but when you sit there with your peers and choose to do nothing but look at the negative, it makes all your blogging meaningless. If you truly have walked the path of infertility and/or the loose of a pregnancy or child, then you of all people should know to think before you speak. How did you feel when these things were happening to you? Did you like to sit there and listen to people complain about their blessings all the time? Did you just want to tell those around you to stop? I do! My child isn't perfect by any means, but he is my blessing. I choose to look to what he adds to our lives, not takes away from it (which in my book, is nothing). I had over 10 yrs of being childless, to go to spas, shopping trips with the girls, movies and date nights out. He is only going to be a child for such a short time, there will be plenty of time after he is grown up to go get a pedicure, go shopping again with the girls, to go out alone to movies or dinner. He is not an inconvenience in our lives. He is a part of our lives. He makes our lives richer not poorer.
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