WAITING

This is the part I don't do well with...we are waiting to see if my "friend" will start on her own. So far not a note at all from her....I feel like we are wasting time, precious, valuable time. I just need to remind myself that they know what they are doing at the infertility clinic.

Why

Went into see my GYNO today. Grrr! We discussed what the infertility specialist found and said (she said that I would need to have regular progestrone treatments until menopause...that I needed to have a cycle monthly or we would be back where we were a few weeks ago)...my GYNO doesn't agree. She says oh you only need to have a cycle once every 3 months. She has always been unwilling to give a progestrone shot...she is into the "new" way of doing things. Well, sometimes the new way doesn't work for everyone. I can testify for sure to that now. My body does better with progestrone shots not pills. It's what it is use to. So this concerns me, what am I going to do when I am done seeing the specialist. I need a doctor who is going to do what needs to be done on a monthly basis. Personally, I feel that the specialist is the one to listen to and know about these conditions more than the GYNO. I feel my GYNO has no idea of what PCOS really entails or is. I think I might be needing to find a new GYNO in the future.

Results Are In

Well...they say that the test results came back showing no cancer. We can proceed with the fertility treatments next month. Talk about relieved. Relieved that there is no Cancer. What a ugly word. I can say that this experience has brought what others go through when they hear those words to light...I can and will never go through this life and just think "that poor soul". No, I will actually be able to have an idea of what they are going through...though no trip in this life is the same...just like no two people are alike.

Biopsy Day

Well, here we are the "big" day.....the day of the Biopsy. Had to wait for my "friend" to visit so that they could go in and take samples of the uterine wall. Now, we sit and wait for the test results. What fun! Waiting! Praying! It's all in God's hands now!

Decided

Well, after much thought, prayer and guidance from God, we have decided to finally go see a Infertility Specialist. We have always said that we would go as far as shots on the journey down this road that infertility has taken us. We finally got into to see her today. After an initial interview, they examined me. She said that part of the reason that the Clomid might not have worked this past year was because I probably built up a resistance to it. They also found that I have a thick uterine wall, this is a common problem with PCOS. They say it can be something called Endometrial Hyperplasia. This can mean that there might be Cancer. They want to do a biopsy. There are two words that I had hoped that I would never say in my life, not just for me but for anyone that I love. Unfortuantly, I have already had to experience saying those words a few times for those that I love and care about. Yes, I am scared...scared for Edward. I want to be here for my boy, to watch him grow up to be the man God intended him to be. He is my miracle, my gift from God. I now feel that maybe God was laying this on our hearts, to see an infertility specialist not to just try to get pregnant but so that someone would find this. It's not something that my GYNO would have found during a normal yearly visit. It wouldn't have shown up in a pap. Scarey, huh? For now though before they can do the biopsy, they have to get my "friend" to come and visit. So it is a Progestrone shot for me.

Last Month

This is the last month for us with the Clomid treatments. I really am upset with our OB/GYN. I feel like she wasted our time (precious and valuable it was too), this past year. She didn't listen to me when I told her that the progesterone pills weren't working and that I needed the shot instead. I told her this at least 3 times but oh no, this was the new way of doing things and it was the only way we were going to do it....according to her. I was on those stupid pills 3 different times and do you think that things ever really got into to sinc with my body? No! So in Aug, I mention this issue to my Endocrinologist, who in my presence emails my OB/GYN about this and low behold in Sept when I see her the OB/GYN is like well the next time you need a shot, you just tell me and I will make sure you get one. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!! I was so mad, I wanted to scream at her. Then she has the audacity to tell me that I was very emotional the last time I saw here.....hmmmmm, could it have been that my body was so messed up hormonally from being on all those meds (Progesterone every 6 to 7 weeks and then a treatment of Clomid about 15 days after that). Give me a break! When you aren't able to get PG like just about every other woman on the face of the Earth, you are already a little bit of an emotional wreck.....then add to it treatments, doctor appointments and schedules for trying to get PG that may or may not work....of course you are going to be a little high strung and emotional, don't you think? At this point I want nothing more than for this to work or I might just cry for months and cause a flood in my home. It also doesn't help that people are turning up all around me pregnant or just having been blessed with a new baby. I just keep telling myself stay strong, don't wear your feelings on your sleeve and trust in God, He will get you through this.

TTC Fustration

Oye Vey! This has turned out to be a very fustrating 4 1/2 months. I thought for sure we would be pregnant by now. I have had to be put on my 3rd round of Progesterone. I am not happy about this one bit. I have voiced to my current OBGYN that my old OBGYN in OK didn't use pills but gave me a shot of Progestrone, which worked wonderfully in getting everything jumped started. I am starting to think that the pills are part of the problem that I am having (my body is use to that one BIG amount of Progestrone not small amounts over a 10 day period) and why I have to keep going back on the Progestrone every 5 to 6 weeks. She did up my Clomid to 100mg which is 4 times as much as I took to get Pregnant with Edward. She didn't give me a refill this time though for the Clomid, so I am thinking that she is thinking if my cycle doesn't do what it is suppose to do this time through then she is going to refer me to a fertility specialist. Do to time lines and an agreement that Kirk and I made a long time ago about how far we are willing to go to get pregnant on this crazy infertility trip we are on, this would close all doors for us and Edward will be an only child. So basically now things are really up in the air about another baby. If you have been praying for us, please continue to pray that GOD's will be done in this situation. Thank You!