Down to the end

Well, now I have less than 30 days of the Magace treatment left. I can't believe I am almost at the end of this treatment. You know though, I was talking to someone the other day whose husband has been facing liver and thyroid cancer ... which also made me think of my Mother-In-Law and my friend Trisha. I have a whole lot to be thankful for with this cancer scare. I didn't have to do chemo or radiation. Granted my treatment doesn't promise a cure either. I know that unless we eventually remove my uterus I will get uterine cancer in my lifetime. But I am still so young and I am just not willing to give it up unless I have absolutely have to. I guess you could call me selfish for not just giving up my dreams of another child and wanting to keep all that God gave me for as long as possible. I have been working very hard to shed as many pounds as possible, because the doctor said this could be a possible help with reversing the Endometerial Hyperplasia. So far I am down about 25 lbs and I must admit I can feel the difference in my energy levels and my over all outlook on things.
My surgery has been scheduled for the 21st of September in the morning. Then we play the waiting game (it took about a week the last time for them to call back with the results). Everything for the future of our family hinges on what they find. I have prayed and thought so hard about what to do. I have decided that if it has regressed, we need to go on with the treatments to get pregnant. However, if it hasn't regressed or has actually gone into Atpia (Cancer), then I will be left with no choice but to go ahead with the hysterectomy. Yes, I could do another 3 months of the Magage treatment but there is no guarantee that it will regress it and there is a possibility that things can even turn worse.
DH's main concern is that if we wait and so forth, that cancer could appear without our knowing and it could spread beyond the uterus which could cost me my life. I can see where he is coming from and can't blame him.

Day 4

Well, today is day 4 of my new way of eating. The doctor told me that if I was to loose weight I would be more likely to stop the progression of the Endrometrial Hyperplasia and it could even help to regress it. On Monday, I weighed in at 218 and I need to get down to 125 over time...it is going to be a very long road and I know that I might never get down that far but even a 10% loss can help with the PCOS and the symptoms that accompany it. Basically I am going to take it one day at a time on this part of the journey. Currently I am trying to stick to about 1700 calories and 190 grams of carbs a day. I am going to be realistic about this because after all I am married and I have a kid, so there will be times when the new way of eating might have to take a day or two off. I haven't begun the exercising part yet. I decided to get use to the trying to eat 6 times a day, stay within my goals for the calorie and carb intake, keep a food journal and make sure that I take my medicine twice a day like I am suppose to (I am on day 10 of a 90 day Progestrone treatment). I bet you noticed that I don't say the "D" word when referring to eating, that is just a word I can't stand and refuse to use. This is a lifestyle change, and I am not doing it because I have a 20yr High School Reunion in a year or because I want to fit into a bikini, I am doing it to better my health. So far, I am doing good and keeping very much on top of my goals. I just hope that I don't loose steam over time.

The Call

I got the call yesterday from my infertility specialist, she's the one that performed my hysteroscopy on the 15th. The news isn't good. She says that I do indeed have Endometrial Hyperplasia. There are 4 stages to this. Right now basically I am in the pre-cancerous stage (Simple to Complex). If it was cancer the word Atypia would accompany it. Thankfully, while this is scary, it is very treatable but it does increase my chances of Uterine Cancer about 100% in my life time. I am going to go on a 3 month treatment of Progesterone....40mg twice a day (this is a very high dosage). Then I will go back in, in Sept for another hysteroscopy to see if the treatment helped to regress the Endometrial Hyperplasia. If it did, they want a pregnancy ASAP and of course for us that means going back on infertility treatments. The reason for this is because your body produces large amounts of natural progesterone during pregnancy which would be a huge plus for me and then if you BF, you produce progesterone during that time...but it can't be supplemental BFing. If it hasn't regressed or has progressed even further, then it is a hysterectomy ASAP. That means no more trying for a 2nd baby, that means God has chosen our path in life for sure. I know that may sound harsh to some, but I have and will always believe that God gives us burdens like this for a reason (sometimes it is just to grow in Him as His child), we might not understand it at the time it is going on but He will let know His reasons and purpose when the time is right. God is in control ultimately. I can lean on Him and He will carry me when I need to be carried down this path of life. Sure I get upset and depressed at times (I spent most of yesterday afternoon crying), after all I am only human and I don't fully understand the whole reason for this path that I am on but I know that ultimately God does and I trust Him. I want to remind everyon if you are facing a trial in your life that deals with your health, you are your own best advocate when it comes to your body, your disease and what you want to happen but ALWAYS take it to God in Prayer and seek His guidance. I have found during this journey that not all doctors or specialist know everything that there is to be known about your disease, and they defiantly don't always tell you everything that you need to know about it either. Research, read, chat with others, seek 2nd opinions and most importantly take care of your body. If you have PCOS like me, did you know that there are ways you can reverse it...it wont make it go away but you can keep it and those nasty other little friends of it undercontrol and live almost symptom free. Keeping your weight in check is one of the best ways, but you see no one (doctors) ever told me that. I see an endocronologist and she has never once in over the 2 yrs I have been seeing her mentioned loosing weight, even when I started gaining more. I always thought it was because she knew how hard it is for a PCOS woman to loose weight...but watching your calorie and carb intake, and exercising (and not being seditary) is one of the best things we PCOS girls can do for our bodies.

The Big Day

Well, today is the "big" day...surgery day. I am some what scared but know that this will help to determine why my lining doesn't want to seem to thin down like it is suppose to. I am so worried that they will find cancer. You know I never thought that I would ever say that word when refering to me, but then again I bet everyone in the world, especially those with cancer say the same thing. Praying for a uneventful surgery and a speedy recovery.

Pre-Operation Appointment

Went in to the doctor today for the pre-opt appointment about the hysteroscopy and DNC. It was a good appointment over all. I was informed however of the risks that can accompany these procedures. There is a chance that the uterus is punctured and then they will have to stop the procedure or they could do a laperoscopy and sew the puncture closed and continue. Oh Joy! That sounds like fun, not! There is also a chance of hemorrhaging, infection and scaring. If a polyp is found they will scrap just that area and send it off to the lab, if no polyp is found then they will scarp the whole uterine lining and send it off to the lab. If all comes back clear we can proceed with the fertility treatments...she did say even if it comes back with a probability of cancer, we could still do the treatments. Praying, Praying!

It's Finalized

Today, is was the first day of Homeschool Convention and guess what I get less than an hour there... the phone call from the surgery scheduler. I have to go in on the 10th of June for a Pre-Operation Appointment, the Hysteroscopy and DNC is scheduled for the 15th of June at 1pm. I then have to wait until the 28th of June to go in for the Post-Operation Follow-Up Appointment. BREATHING!!!! God is in Control!

OK, Take A Deep Breath and Breath!

Heard back from the nurse, she said not to go forward with the fertility treatments. They want to do a surgical hysteroscopy and scraping of the uterine lining. They feel that there might be polyps or something else that isn't allowing the lining to thin like it should. Here comes those words again...Endometrial Hyperplasia and Cancer. Trying very hard to remember to take it 1 day at a time, breath and God is in control! I have to wait now for the gal from the clinic who schedules the surgeries to call me back...and they couldn't tell me when exactly that might be...so it is wait again!

Seriously??!!!???

Seriously? My lining is 13mm thick (it should be less than 5mm). So here we go again with the Endometrial Hyperplasia. The nurse wants to wait to talk to the doctor and she wont be in until tomorrow but she did speak with the other doctors that are in the office and they said not to start the fertility treatments, that the thickness of my lining is of great concern to them. I feel like I just hit a brick wall and took about 10 steps backward on this journey. While I know ultimately this is all in God's hands...why this again? So once again, I wait to hear what I am to do.

Not This Time!

Well, my "friend" came to visit. So we go back to the drawing board. I go into see the doctor on 1st to see where we go from here. Hopefully another round of treatments.

Are You Joking?

I have to order another pen, this time 2 shots worth. Take 1 more shot and then the FSH on Wednesday. Then Business! Then start those Progestrone pills on Sunday and wait to see if we were successful! Well, no one said this was going to be easy. Just remember this is all in God's Hands! After all, it's His plans ultimately not ours!

More???!?!?

Went to the doctor on Wednesday, they told me the eggs aren't mature yet and that I need to take 3 more shots over the weekend. This weekend of all weekend? This is Edwards weekend, he is turning 7 on Saturday and we are taking him out of town to the Great Wolf Lodge in Kansas City to celebrate it. I only have 1 shot in my Gonal pen, so I have to have more sent to me at the hotel. Well, I guess this will make our weekend just that much more interesting. And oy vey the cost of these pens are extreme....almost 650 just for the pen that holds 3 shots. So far I have had to get 2 pens with 3 shots worth in them. Not to mention the FSH shot I still have to give myself, the cost of the clomid and the progestrone pills I have take later on. Oh and let's not get me started on those progestrone pills.....I am still trying to grasp the concept of how I have take them...let's just say they are taken the way you think a pill would be taken. They wanted me to come in on Sunday to be rechecked but since we will be out of town, they were kind enough to agree to see me first thing Monday Morning.

Here we go!

Today is the first day of Infertility treatments. I have to take 150mg of Clomid for the next five days. I have to give myself 150 IU of Gonal Today, Sunday and Tuesday, then go see doctor to see if we have mature eggs. These both have to be taken between 7PM and 9PM and preferably at the same time every time it is taken. Not only are those scheduled but "OTHER" things are on a schedule too!

She's Here!

Well, my "friend" finally decided to come visit after a little help from that progestrone shot. PRAISE THE LORD! Will be starting shots in a few days!

Shot Here I Come

Well, no visit (on her own accord) from my "friend", so it is off to get a progestrone shot to give her a jump start. Then we will get to start the fertility treatments soon. This scares me a little because I have never given myself a shot before. Hmmm, this part of our infertility journey seems to keep sending me to places that I never thought or hoped to go. I just need to keep reminding myself..ultimately, it's all in God's hands and in the end it (no matter the outcome) will all have been worth it.

WAITING

This is the part I don't do well with...we are waiting to see if my "friend" will start on her own. So far not a note at all from her....I feel like we are wasting time, precious, valuable time. I just need to remind myself that they know what they are doing at the infertility clinic.

Why

Went into see my GYNO today. Grrr! We discussed what the infertility specialist found and said (she said that I would need to have regular progestrone treatments until menopause...that I needed to have a cycle monthly or we would be back where we were a few weeks ago)...my GYNO doesn't agree. She says oh you only need to have a cycle once every 3 months. She has always been unwilling to give a progestrone shot...she is into the "new" way of doing things. Well, sometimes the new way doesn't work for everyone. I can testify for sure to that now. My body does better with progestrone shots not pills. It's what it is use to. So this concerns me, what am I going to do when I am done seeing the specialist. I need a doctor who is going to do what needs to be done on a monthly basis. Personally, I feel that the specialist is the one to listen to and know about these conditions more than the GYNO. I feel my GYNO has no idea of what PCOS really entails or is. I think I might be needing to find a new GYNO in the future.

Results Are In

Well...they say that the test results came back showing no cancer. We can proceed with the fertility treatments next month. Talk about relieved. Relieved that there is no Cancer. What a ugly word. I can say that this experience has brought what others go through when they hear those words to light...I can and will never go through this life and just think "that poor soul". No, I will actually be able to have an idea of what they are going through...though no trip in this life is the same...just like no two people are alike.

Biopsy Day

Well, here we are the "big" day.....the day of the Biopsy. Had to wait for my "friend" to visit so that they could go in and take samples of the uterine wall. Now, we sit and wait for the test results. What fun! Waiting! Praying! It's all in God's hands now!

Decided

Well, after much thought, prayer and guidance from God, we have decided to finally go see a Infertility Specialist. We have always said that we would go as far as shots on the journey down this road that infertility has taken us. We finally got into to see her today. After an initial interview, they examined me. She said that part of the reason that the Clomid might not have worked this past year was because I probably built up a resistance to it. They also found that I have a thick uterine wall, this is a common problem with PCOS. They say it can be something called Endometrial Hyperplasia. This can mean that there might be Cancer. They want to do a biopsy. There are two words that I had hoped that I would never say in my life, not just for me but for anyone that I love. Unfortuantly, I have already had to experience saying those words a few times for those that I love and care about. Yes, I am scared...scared for Edward. I want to be here for my boy, to watch him grow up to be the man God intended him to be. He is my miracle, my gift from God. I now feel that maybe God was laying this on our hearts, to see an infertility specialist not to just try to get pregnant but so that someone would find this. It's not something that my GYNO would have found during a normal yearly visit. It wouldn't have shown up in a pap. Scarey, huh? For now though before they can do the biopsy, they have to get my "friend" to come and visit. So it is a Progestrone shot for me.