Appointment with the Oncologist

Today was my appointment with the gynecological oncologist. After a brief visit and exam, I was told I was a good canidate for a robotic hysterectomy. It'll be sometime around mid-Dec. Until I will remain on the Megace to keep the Endometerial Hyperplasia from progressing into full blown uterine cancer. So the wheels have been set into motion, short of a miracle it'll happen.

Latest Biopsy Result

Please note this is information that was given to me this morning from my Gyno and not my specialist. Since the Gyno, didn't have anything to do with the biopsy surgery, they are only going by the paper work that they received a copy of from my specialist. So I only have the brief bit of information that I was given by them.

The biopsy came back showing that the Endometerial Hyperplasia has returned. What this exactly means, I don't know. It could be, it's back to where I was in 2010 or it could be now at the A-Typia level (meaning uterine cancer). I have a post-opt follow up with my specialist on Thursday. I will know more then. However, I can tell you I feel resigned to the fact that a hysterectomy is in my near future .... most likely by the end of this year. Chance for baby number 2, dropping drastically .... becoming just a silly whim.

In a strange way I am relieved to have this over with but in another I am breaking in my heart. I hate all this teetering between emotions that I have been experiencing since this all began. I am just ready to accept whatever it is that I am suppose to accept. I realize that I have been given this "cross" to bear by God for a reason, now just to figure out why and how to use it to His Glory.

Will post a more detailed update sometime after I see the specialist on Thursday. It may take me a few day to process and accept what I am told ( I know I just said I was relieved .... see what I mean by teetering between emotions?).

Not So Quick

Well, my DH threw me a curve ball after I had started to accept that we were at the end of our journey. He feels that we should do as we originally decided and keep trying until the end of the year. My specialist agrees with him, she really feels that having a baby is the healthiest choice for me (compared to a hysterectomy ... it would give me up to 3 more years with my uterus putting me at about 43 instead of 40). I saw her yesterday, she said that the lining is indeed on the thick side and there were some polyps present. So I am off again to have another hysteroscopy in the next week or two. After that, if the results of the surgery deems it safe, we will continue on with try. We'll be changing from just doing femara, to doing femara, with monitoring via vaginal ultrasounds for follicles followed by an ovidrel shot. Now to the sad news, my specialist (and I) feel that there was success last month but it didn't become a viable pregnancy. Last Saturday I was plagued with the worst cramping and back pains, I have experienced (except for the other time it was thought that I had miscarried, clear back in 95). Given that info, and other info she felt that it was highly probable that a miscarriage took place. My DH (bless his heart) says that even though this is sad, at least it's a positive because we know that we can accomplish conception....now to try and accomplish a viable pregnancy.

Closing this chapter once and for all

Well, the wait for the answer is over. It's a resounding, no! I am not sure which was hard getting my cycle or having to tell my 9 yr old that he'll never have a little brother or sister. He took it so hard. It just broke my heart. He is so sweet and good with little kids. I know he was so wanting to be a big brother. It's just not in God's plans for him or for our family. It's time to move on, close that chapter forever. I will see the specialist sometime this week and we'll go from there. However, I have decided I don't want to take any more treatments .... this was the final no! I can only take so many emotional roller coaster rides, the trying (that leads to arguing because it was so stressful and things didn't always go as planned), the waiting, the pregnancy tests, just to do it all over again the next month. It's wearing. I need to be happy with the blessing/miracle that God gave me in our son .... focus on him and just enjoy my marriage.
I am hoping that I will be able to keep my uterus though for another 5 yrs or so, by getting month progesterone shots and a yearly check on my lining.

More Tests and Changes

Had a one on one with my Infertility Specialist (I.F. Specialist) this morning. DH needs to give a new Semen Analysis (S.A.) and some blood work done to check certain hormones. If the hormones test low then they want to put him on Clomid (it helps men to manufacture testosterone naturally ---- he just had a testosterone test done, which showed low levels (which is an issue we have dealt with in the past)).  I will be going off of Clomid and onto Famara, instead. We also set a time (the beginning of 2013) for a hysterectomy if that we are unsuccessful. The Famara is to help increase our chances, it has shown a higher success rate with PCOS women then Clomid does.

What a ride

Since I know no one really reads this blog, probably tired of hearing me drone on and on about PCOS and infertility. I feel I can share about these past 2 months and the roller coaster ride we were on. Boy was it some ride! Let's begin with the big secret that very few know about. We've been back on Clomid since November. Was taking 100mg treatments for 5 days a month. Nothing exciting happened the first 2 months. Cycle started like it should have and so forth. Not in Jan though, 28 days passed with no visit from A.F., pregnancy test -. 35 days passed still no A.F. and a - PG test, so I placed a call to the doctor. Wait another 3 days and then come in for a blood test if still no A.F.. Well, still no A.F., so went in for required blood test. Of course it was -. We thought for sure it would come up +. Felt bloated, crampy, tired, queasy and had several other PG type symptoms. Talk about feeling up, only to be sent crashing down. So they ended up, increasing the treatment another 50mg a day for the 5 days. Now I am taking 6 times what I took to get pregnant with our son. Another downside is that the ovulation tests are not showing a positive. So if, I don't get a positive this month or get pregnant, it'll be into the doctors next month after the treatment to have an vaginal ultra sound to see if I am ovulating. Oh the fun of trying to get PG. Hubby has been a trooper. This month we are trying very hard to stick to the every other day schedule. While this should be the fun part, at times it can feel like a job instead of a pleasure.

Hyperplasia Update

Had to go have a sonogram yesterday, what joy! There was a cyst on the right ovary and the lining was slightly thick. Other than that everything looked okay. Cycles are coming pretty regularly. Had to get a shot last month but not this month. As long as everything continues as it's going, I wont have to have another surgery until the spring, if even then. It would be nice not to have to have another one for a while. I had way to many of them last year. My hair doesn't seem to be growing as quickly and I wonder if it's still not from that high progesterone treatment. Coming off that stuff messed with me something awful. I pray I never have to go through that again. In October I went to hair dresser and the gal, cut off all the effected hair. You could see where the new growth that came in after I went off the medicine started and where the old growth was. I ended up with an awful haircut to just remove the effected hair. I do have to say though that my hair pretty much has stopped coming out in fistfuls in the shower since it was cut. That was very freaky. I am being very serious about this, if you have don't have a regular monthly cycle (especially one that doesn't come at least every 3 months) get your hinney into the doctor now and if they don't listen to you see a specialist in Female Reproductive Health. Not having a month cycle is a very dangerous thing, especially if you have something like PCOS. If your doctor doesn't know about PCOS and you think you have it . Arm yourself with information, be your own advocate (this also goes for any other type of aliment). That is what I had to do, I got tired of arguing with doctors who couldn't find out what was wrong. It's frustrating. Surprisingly there are still a lot of doctors out there that have no clue (even specialists) about PCOS, sometimes you have to guide them more then they will guide you through it.

Praising God!!

After such an emotional roller coaster over the past year, we finally received (well at least I think so) some good news. While we were on our way to OKC on Friday for a mini-family vacation, my doctor called. She had received the 2nd pathology report. She said that it showed no current signs of a-typia (cancer) and that from what she saw and this pathology report, we didn't have to do a rush hysterectomy (HUGH SIGH of relief) for the time being. However, we could end up right back in the same spot later on down the road. I have to keep very vigilant about getting a monthly "jump start" every 35 days if my cycle doesn't come on it's own. I have to make sure it doesn't start acting up again (heavy, spotty, or so forth). I have to go in at least 1 time a year (more if my cycle starts acting up again) to have the same surgery that I had 3 times this past year. We have to be very watchful and make sure that the uterus lining stays healthy in thickness and so forth. I will eventually have to have a hysterectomy though. I will need it before I hit menopause. I am thinking, I will just plan it for my 40th birthday and then I will have it over with. I would like to keep everything until then, though if possible (God willing). We still can use this time to try and get pregnant if we still wish. DH is pretty set on no due to his age (he's a whopping 43). I have mixed feelings to be very honest at this point, maybe it's because I don't want to deal with all the emotions and disappointments that are sure to come with "trying" again (especially for us, since there are no guarantees). Plus I really was having a hard time these past few weeks with depression, I really considered going to my GFP and asking them to prescribe some kind of antidepressant for me (again).For right now, we aren't going to prevent it from happening but we aren't going to go the extra steps to help insure it happens either. Basically we are leaving it in God's hands and if it happens it was truly meant (and ordained) by HIM to be.

Long Needed Update

Had my last surgery in Sept, they found that there were still some cysts and the lining was still a little thick. So I had to remain on the progesterone treatments for 3 more months. I was suppose to go in for an in office procedure in Dec 2010 but when I got to the Dr.'s office I was told that she had a family emergency (her little boy was in the hospital -- unexpectedly and had been there for a few days already). They said that they had me scheduled to see another doctor. I asked if it was a male doctor, they said yes. I wasn't happy about it but I said I was going to have to be. They called me in a few minutes later and I guess my face gave me away, they rescheduled the appointment for a few weeks later. Well, we get a snow storm and I get ill the day before the appointment so now it's scheduled for the end of this month. I am praying that the 3rd time is a charm, so to speak. I just want to get it over with but I want to make sure it's with the same doctor I started out with so that I can get some questions I have about the future answered.
Side Note: We've decided not to continue on with fertility treatments because they are 3000 to 4000 dollars a treatment (yes that is just for shots and checks with the doctor) and there is no guarantee of a viable pregnancy. We are just going to put it in God's hands and if it's suppose to be that we have another child God will bless us with the ultimate miracle.

Down to the end

Well, now I have less than 30 days of the Magace treatment left. I can't believe I am almost at the end of this treatment. You know though, I was talking to someone the other day whose husband has been facing liver and thyroid cancer ... which also made me think of my Mother-In-Law and my friend Trisha. I have a whole lot to be thankful for with this cancer scare. I didn't have to do chemo or radiation. Granted my treatment doesn't promise a cure either. I know that unless we eventually remove my uterus I will get uterine cancer in my lifetime. But I am still so young and I am just not willing to give it up unless I have absolutely have to. I guess you could call me selfish for not just giving up my dreams of another child and wanting to keep all that God gave me for as long as possible. I have been working very hard to shed as many pounds as possible, because the doctor said this could be a possible help with reversing the Endometerial Hyperplasia. So far I am down about 25 lbs and I must admit I can feel the difference in my energy levels and my over all outlook on things.
My surgery has been scheduled for the 21st of September in the morning. Then we play the waiting game (it took about a week the last time for them to call back with the results). Everything for the future of our family hinges on what they find. I have prayed and thought so hard about what to do. I have decided that if it has regressed, we need to go on with the treatments to get pregnant. However, if it hasn't regressed or has actually gone into Atpia (Cancer), then I will be left with no choice but to go ahead with the hysterectomy. Yes, I could do another 3 months of the Magage treatment but there is no guarantee that it will regress it and there is a possibility that things can even turn worse.
DH's main concern is that if we wait and so forth, that cancer could appear without our knowing and it could spread beyond the uterus which could cost me my life. I can see where he is coming from and can't blame him.

Here We Go!

Just wanted to give an update that we (well I) officially started Clomid today! Please keep us in your prayers during this time. I go back to see my OBGYN in June, if nothing by then, not sure if she will up me to a higher dosage or what.

DH's Appointment

DH had his appointment today. Good news he isn't on the bottom of the pile so to speak but he isn't at the top...he is basically average. He has to go back in 2 months, the doctor wants me to go with him. So back to the Clomid we go. Of course the doctor told DH he wanted him to loose some weight and to go back to not smoking. Ever since his accident it has been hit and miss with the smoking thing. I know he is trying and that is all I can ask of him. It is that time of year for me to go see my doctor, so we will see what she has to say now that DH's been to the doctors and all. Will keep you posted.

Update on DH's Test (UPDATED 7/11/08)

I will try to keep this family friendly but let you know what is happening. We finally got DH's test results back after almost 3 weeks of waiting on pins and needles. Count is good, mobility is down and some are misshapen (this is called Sperm morphology...this is usually seen in guys who are smokers or drinkers). We have been referred to a specialist (I think that he might be a Urologist). DH and I will be discussing this. I don't know how DH will feel about all the tests that I have read that they will want him to go through. Men are kinda funny about that stuff, well at least DH is. He had a hard enough time going to get this initial test done. So I will keep you posted on what we decide to do and if there is even something that we can do about it. I think some of this ties to DH's Accident that he had. I guess the specialist is the only one who will be able to clarify this for us though. Well just thought I would let you know. I know that this is a touchy subject with some of my readers, while others are very supportive and want to know. Sorry if I offend anyone. Just want to put it out there because we sure can use the prayers for God's guidance and will for us in this situation.

*****UPDATE*****
DH has agreed to go to see the doctor. However the doctor has a long wait to see him, so the appointment wont be until Sept 30th. In a lot of ways this is good, DH seeing the doctor that is. This will get some of the MEN tests that he needs to have done any way for health reasons. It is a Urologist that he will be seeing. They will preform various tests on him and then we will have to wait for the results, I am guessing that the wait will probably be as long as the wait we had on the initial test that started it all. Of course I will keep you posted as to what we find out. Thanks to everyone who is praying for us.

Waiting on Pins and Needles (update about DH's test)

Well here we sit, waiting on pins and needles for DH's test results. He went a week ago tomorrow to get his little "soldiers" counted. I just called the OBGYN's to see if they have gotten the results yet and they said it can take up to 10 days! 10 days??? 10 days with all this hi-tech technology that we have. Oie Vey! I just want this part over with so we know what we are dealing with and if a 2nd baby is even possible. I just can't handle all the ups and downs that come with waiting every month to see if we were successful or not. I will let you know what we find out.

Still Trying for Number 2

Just a quick note to let you know that we are still trying for baby number 2. I had to go in a week ago today and have a sonogram done. It wasn't to see if everything was alright for us to have another baby but because I was having very bad stomach pains and issues. All is well it turns out besides some cysts in both ovaries but that goes with having PCOS and they will come and go all time. So I have been given a clean bill of health and my stomach issues were related to the cyst bursting. Since all is well there, we decided to quit dragging our feet and get Kirk into the doctors to have the count done that he needs to get done, in order for us to continue on with fertility treatments. Since he had severe bruising from his accident we aren't sure if there was damage done or not, that could be causing us not to be able to get pregnant with number 2. So I am asking that everyone keep Kirk in your prayers Wednesday, June 18th, that he will be able to produce a sample and they will be able to get a good count from him (thus showing nothing wrong). Also please pray that if nothing is wrong and that if it is God's Will for our family, that we will concieve baby number 2 soon and have a healthy pregnancy. I let you know the results of Kirks test.

What's Up In The Thompson Household

Spring is upon us. We are extremely busy getting things ready in the yard for a Landscaper. We will be having a Landscaping Architect come out and draw up plans for our yard in April. We need to also have the lawn reseeded. We need a type of lawn that agrees with shade. I am not a green thumb person but I want a beautiful yard to enjoy, and some great curb appeal in the front of the house. I think how a yard is kept says a lot about the people in the house.
Also looking into having the Kitchen redone. This house has only 1 small counter in the kitchen, limited cupboard space, a small v shaped pantry and you have to walk around a wall to get the dishes from the sink into the dishwasher. It always looks like the kitchen exploded because it just isn't user friendly. We have 2 choices we can either widen out the current kitchen costly but reasonable in my mind, or turn the added on down stairs master bedroom that we use as a playroom/theater room/family room into the new kitchen and relocate that room into the old kitchen (much smaller).
Edwards 4th Birthday is just 1month and 3 weeks (about) away. He is so excited. He is going to have a Lightening McQueen Party. We aren't sure where we are going to have it but we have a few more weeks before I need to send out the invites. He is very excited and asks every day if today is his birthday. Mommy doesn't want it to come so quickly.
Edward is going to be dedicated at Church this coming Sunday. He is going to where a cute little navy sailor suit complete with hat. Hope to get some great pictures. We have been meaning to get this done but hadn't found a Church. Well, PTL, God has blessed us with an awesome Church and Church family. I love going every week. I even go when Kirk is out of town which with my social anxiety is a big deal.
We are still working on baby #2. Looks like we will have to go back into the doctors for some tests and depending what the tests say, it could be fertility shots for me....this scares me because it means multiples. Not sure if I am a good enough mommy to handle more than one baby and a preschooler alone all day long. I want a little Girl so bad, but at this point I will take a little boy too. I just need to have faith that God is hearing my prayers. I also have to remember I have to accept His Will for me and my family, it is quite possible another child is not in his plans for us at this time or at all. I do believe that God gave us science though and that we should use the medical help that he has supplied us with. Sometimes Faith is a hard thing to have, especially when you need it the most.

Will post more later. God Bless!

Me Bad!!!

Wow! I did not realize that it has been over a month since my past blog post. Life has been crazy needless to say. November seemed to have just wizzed by. Where it went I have no idea. Lets catch you up....Edward took Swimming lessons for 2 weeks in mid-November. He absolutely loved it. He showed no fear of the water. He has 2 more Friday Sessions of Kindermusik in December, then the Semester ends. He will be graduating to the Preschool Sessions next semester. Class will be 45 minutes long, 30 without parents and then the last 15 with parents. I am hoping to get a few books read while waiting on him. Thanksgiving was just Kirk, Edward and I. We had an untraditional Thanksgiving dinner, a brown sugar spiral ham, corn on the cob, sweet hawaiian bread, rice, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole and strawberry-rhubarb pie, plus the ever popular variety of pickles, olives, and cranberry sauce. I celebrated my 34th birthday this month too. It was a great birthday, the best one I have had in years. We started the day off by going to church, then to Starbucks for coffee, then took Edward to McDonalds so he could play in their indoor play area, then to Comp-USA for my birthday present, then we went to the bowling alley and bowled 2 games each (Edward got a strike and a spare), then out to dinner at Macaroni Grill. Speaking of bowling. Edward is doing awesome in his Saturday Bowling League. He got 4 spares in the last weeks. We've put up the Christmas trees (the main one and the kid's one), they are both decorated now. We have decorated the front yard, but because of Kirk's accident he is unable to hang the lights on our house so we will have to have someone hired to do it. So far we aren't having any luck getting that done this year. Still trying for baby #2. I have been taking ovulation kit tests for over 2 weeks now, no sign of ovulation yet. Probably will happen this weekend when Kirk is out of town....LOL....isn't that the way it goes?

TTC Update

As you know we are trying to get pregnant with number 2. I went to go see my new OBGYN for my yearly exam and she has told me if I don't get pregnant by the end of the treatments of Clomid (I have 3 more left), that we will have to get a Kirk checked out (because of his accident) and make sure nothing is wrong there. If nothing is wrong on his end, then it will be a new type of fertility treatment, shots. This will cause us a much great chance of multiples (even great than the clomid which is twins....occasionally triplets). So I am asking everyone I know to pray that we get pregnant in sometime in the next 3 treatments so we don't have to go to that degree. Shots are as far as we are willing to go in infertility treatments. She does have me doing a few things differently, taking the meds a few days earlier and doing ovulation tests for all of my next cycle to see if we can pin exactly when I am ovulating. Guess we don't all ovulate in the middle of a cycle, some more towards the end, others more towards the beginning and some even get to do it twice in a cycle. Anyway the prayers would be greatly appreciated.