Injection

Today was shot day! The next 48 to 72 hours are so important, yet they are already at the point of overwhelming and stressful. God is in control! I just need to keep telling myself that. I was in great discomfort earlier this evening, my left ovary felt like someone was driving a stake through it over and over again. Hopefully that is a good sign (even though it was slightly painful). :0)

Re-do Update

Today I went back in for a "re-do" of the ultrasound that I went in for on Saturday. Follicle still present (Praise the Lord), grew 2 more cm (now at 16) and the lining was still at the same measurement (HUGE Praise the Lord ----- this morning in the shower He reminded me that they told me that the Femara could cause the lining to be a little thicker). I am to give myself the shot of Ovidrel on Wednesday, we are to BD on Wednesday night and Friday morning (or night). I stopped by a dear friends house who is also a Strong Firm Believer in Christ, her husband, she and I laid hands on the Ovidrel and then we prayed for it to be effective, work, no side effects and that a baby would be conceived. (I SAY AMEN, AMEN, AMEN ..... I BELIEVE ..... PRAISE YOU GOD!!). Now it's all in God's hands, but then again it always has been.

Back to the start????

Went in for my doctors appointment this morning. They were doing an ultrasound and then going to give me a shot of Ovidrel (which will mature the follicles (which is what they were looking for this morning with the ultrasound---one was found (14mm --- needs to be about 18mm) and cause me to ovulate). Ended up not getting the shot and being told there was concern about my lining. It seemed thick, which with the past history of Endometrial Hyperplasia can mean back to square one for us again. My stress level jacked up 100%. The nurse (tech) wanted to talk to the doctor, who wasn't working this weekend. So they said that they would call me back after talking to her. She called back after having spoken to the Dr. for a very long time (not good from my experience). It was decided that for this month I don't need to see the doctor. The nurse (tech) will see me on Monday to do another ultrasound and then most likely give me the shot of Ovidrel that day. If we are unsuccessful this month in getting PG, then I do have to see the doctor next month. It's been a year since my last biopsy/check of my lining. I have two choices either having an ultrasound/biopsy or have another hysteroscopy (surgery). Then decide from there if it's continue on TTC#2 or just go straight for the hysterectomy. Let's just say I am feeling extremely overwhelmed right now and trying to remember that it is ultimately God who is in control and not me. We've done everything we could (and were willing for moral reasons) to do. I also need to remember that no one said that this road was an easy one to travel, it just has been feeling so lonely lately on it. 

Crossing my fingers and holding my breath

Today I had an appointment with my specialist for my bi-monthly intro-vaginal sonogram. WooooHoooooo! my lining was 5mm thick. They like to see it less than 7mm. That means I am in the GREAT range. It was decided that I will go in on the 28th for another intro-vaginal sonogram to see if there are any follicles (eggs) present. This is the only way of knowing for sure if the Femara is working, especially since the ovulation kits aren't showing any peak levels. If there are follicles present, they will give me a shot of Ovidrel that will cause the follicles to mature and triggers ovulation. I was told to Baby Dance (BD) that night, the next night and the night after, if we couldn't the night in the middle that would be okay but try to do it in the morning instead and skip the BD that night. We'll see. All it'll take is one healthy swimmer and we're in business. :0) If this doesn't work, then we are at the end of the line with our TTC#2. DH's doctor said that the best thing a couple could do, was to have a plan and follow through with it. He was glad to hear that we have one and have been sticking to it. Trust me, it's hard to stick to it but I know in my heart of heart that is what is ultimately best for our marriage and our son. The stress on us and our relationship from this whole adventure has been something that has brought us closer over all, had at times brought more frustration, tears, cross words and sleepless nights.

Hubby to go for follow up and an update

Hubby goes in on the 11th of July to the Urologist for a follow up on his testosterone levels to see if the Clomid is working for him. From my point of view it is. :0) He went today to have his blood work done, we want (need) his levels to be at least twice (they were 161) what they were last time. Not sure what will happen if they aren't because that is the lowest that they want them at (300), preferably higher. We are unsure how long he can safely remain on the Clomid, for the time being his prescription is 12 months. I am hoping that he can continue to take it for a while longer. I don't want him to go on testosterone treatments because it has adverse effects not to mention we have a son about to hit puberty and are unsure what the side effects could be for him (my understanding is that it actually can permeate through the skin of the user and effect others who are exposed to it daily). We don't want to do anything that could effect him negatively his reproductive future. It's just not worth it in the long run. 
As far as me, I am still not getting a spike on the ovulation kits. However I am crampy during the few days that I should be ovulating. Not sure if this is a good sign or a bad one. I know if I say something to my fertility specialist, she'll want to start doing costly ultra sounds to see if I am ovulating and that could be up to a couple times a month and insurance doesn't cover it at all. I have a feeling though that it might come to that sooner than later, if we aren't successful. 
We thought for sure (again) that this last month was the month. Had tons of "symptoms", come to find out researching Femara further that a lot of the "symptoms" could also be from it as well as "change of life" symptoms. Great huh? I thought since I was only taking it for 5 days a month, I wouldn't be cursed with the side effects of the Femara. That doesn't seem to be be the issue at all. A nice side effect that seems to be plaguing me (again ---- last time it was from the Megace) is a lot more of my hair coming out. Trying not to let this bother me. It was so hard with the Megace, it took almost 6 months after coming off the Megace for my hair to grow back but not like it was prior to taking it. I guess you have to give a little sometimes to gain something greater. Will it be worth it all in the end, if we are successful? YES!!!! YES!!!!! YES!!!!

More Tests and Changes

Had a one on one with my Infertility Specialist (I.F. Specialist) this morning. DH needs to give a new Semen Analysis (S.A.) and some blood work done to check certain hormones. If the hormones test low then they want to put him on Clomid (it helps men to manufacture testosterone naturally ---- he just had a testosterone test done, which showed low levels (which is an issue we have dealt with in the past)).  I will be going off of Clomid and onto Famara, instead. We also set a time (the beginning of 2013) for a hysterectomy if that we are unsuccessful. The Famara is to help increase our chances, it has shown a higher success rate with PCOS women then Clomid does.

Yet another test to have done

I have to go in on Monday and have a HSG (hysterosalpingogram) test done. They will be injecting radiographic dye into my  uterus. This is to check to see if there is any blockages, or issues with my tubes and ovaries. I have had this procedure done before, shortly before I got pregnant with our son.

Side note: They upped my clomid last month to 150 mg (6x what we took to get pregnant with our son). Still not 100% sure I am ovulating. Ovulation tests are about as frustrating as pregnancy tests, they never seem to read what I want them too. If after this month (and if the HSG test, shows no blockages or other issues) we're still not sure if I am actually ovulating or not, I will be going in and having a transvaginal ultrasound done to check for ovulation. When ovulation is found then we get busy and I will take a shot that will help with the follicle releasing so it can be impregnated. Praying we'll not have to go that far but time is running out for this to happen. It's hard feeling like there is this huge clock ticking over my head, it adds so much pressure to the situation.

What a ride

Since I know no one really reads this blog, probably tired of hearing me drone on and on about PCOS and infertility. I feel I can share about these past 2 months and the roller coaster ride we were on. Boy was it some ride! Let's begin with the big secret that very few know about. We've been back on Clomid since November. Was taking 100mg treatments for 5 days a month. Nothing exciting happened the first 2 months. Cycle started like it should have and so forth. Not in Jan though, 28 days passed with no visit from A.F., pregnancy test -. 35 days passed still no A.F. and a - PG test, so I placed a call to the doctor. Wait another 3 days and then come in for a blood test if still no A.F.. Well, still no A.F., so went in for required blood test. Of course it was -. We thought for sure it would come up +. Felt bloated, crampy, tired, queasy and had several other PG type symptoms. Talk about feeling up, only to be sent crashing down. So they ended up, increasing the treatment another 50mg a day for the 5 days. Now I am taking 6 times what I took to get pregnant with our son. Another downside is that the ovulation tests are not showing a positive. So if, I don't get a positive this month or get pregnant, it'll be into the doctors next month after the treatment to have an vaginal ultra sound to see if I am ovulating. Oh the fun of trying to get PG. Hubby has been a trooper. This month we are trying very hard to stick to the every other day schedule. While this should be the fun part, at times it can feel like a job instead of a pleasure.

Praising God!!

After such an emotional roller coaster over the past year, we finally received (well at least I think so) some good news. While we were on our way to OKC on Friday for a mini-family vacation, my doctor called. She had received the 2nd pathology report. She said that it showed no current signs of a-typia (cancer) and that from what she saw and this pathology report, we didn't have to do a rush hysterectomy (HUGH SIGH of relief) for the time being. However, we could end up right back in the same spot later on down the road. I have to keep very vigilant about getting a monthly "jump start" every 35 days if my cycle doesn't come on it's own. I have to make sure it doesn't start acting up again (heavy, spotty, or so forth). I have to go in at least 1 time a year (more if my cycle starts acting up again) to have the same surgery that I had 3 times this past year. We have to be very watchful and make sure that the uterus lining stays healthy in thickness and so forth. I will eventually have to have a hysterectomy though. I will need it before I hit menopause. I am thinking, I will just plan it for my 40th birthday and then I will have it over with. I would like to keep everything until then, though if possible (God willing). We still can use this time to try and get pregnant if we still wish. DH is pretty set on no due to his age (he's a whopping 43). I have mixed feelings to be very honest at this point, maybe it's because I don't want to deal with all the emotions and disappointments that are sure to come with "trying" again (especially for us, since there are no guarantees). Plus I really was having a hard time these past few weeks with depression, I really considered going to my GFP and asking them to prescribe some kind of antidepressant for me (again).For right now, we aren't going to prevent it from happening but we aren't going to go the extra steps to help insure it happens either. Basically we are leaving it in God's hands and if it happens it was truly meant (and ordained) by HIM to be.

The Call

I got the call yesterday from my infertility specialist, she's the one that performed my hysteroscopy on the 15th. The news isn't good. She says that I do indeed have Endometrial Hyperplasia. There are 4 stages to this. Right now basically I am in the pre-cancerous stage (Simple to Complex). If it was cancer the word Atypia would accompany it. Thankfully, while this is scary, it is very treatable but it does increase my chances of Uterine Cancer about 100% in my life time. I am going to go on a 3 month treatment of Progesterone....40mg twice a day (this is a very high dosage). Then I will go back in, in Sept for another hysteroscopy to see if the treatment helped to regress the Endometrial Hyperplasia. If it did, they want a pregnancy ASAP and of course for us that means going back on infertility treatments. The reason for this is because your body produces large amounts of natural progesterone during pregnancy which would be a huge plus for me and then if you BF, you produce progesterone during that time...but it can't be supplemental BFing. If it hasn't regressed or has progressed even further, then it is a hysterectomy ASAP. That means no more trying for a 2nd baby, that means God has chosen our path in life for sure. I know that may sound harsh to some, but I have and will always believe that God gives us burdens like this for a reason (sometimes it is just to grow in Him as His child), we might not understand it at the time it is going on but He will let know His reasons and purpose when the time is right. God is in control ultimately. I can lean on Him and He will carry me when I need to be carried down this path of life. Sure I get upset and depressed at times (I spent most of yesterday afternoon crying), after all I am only human and I don't fully understand the whole reason for this path that I am on but I know that ultimately God does and I trust Him. I want to remind everyon if you are facing a trial in your life that deals with your health, you are your own best advocate when it comes to your body, your disease and what you want to happen but ALWAYS take it to God in Prayer and seek His guidance. I have found during this journey that not all doctors or specialist know everything that there is to be known about your disease, and they defiantly don't always tell you everything that you need to know about it either. Research, read, chat with others, seek 2nd opinions and most importantly take care of your body. If you have PCOS like me, did you know that there are ways you can reverse it...it wont make it go away but you can keep it and those nasty other little friends of it undercontrol and live almost symptom free. Keeping your weight in check is one of the best ways, but you see no one (doctors) ever told me that. I see an endocronologist and she has never once in over the 2 yrs I have been seeing her mentioned loosing weight, even when I started gaining more. I always thought it was because she knew how hard it is for a PCOS woman to loose weight...but watching your calorie and carb intake, and exercising (and not being seditary) is one of the best things we PCOS girls can do for our bodies.

The Big Day

Well, today is the "big" day...surgery day. I am some what scared but know that this will help to determine why my lining doesn't want to seem to thin down like it is suppose to. I am so worried that they will find cancer. You know I never thought that I would ever say that word when refering to me, but then again I bet everyone in the world, especially those with cancer say the same thing. Praying for a uneventful surgery and a speedy recovery.

Pre-Operation Appointment

Went in to the doctor today for the pre-opt appointment about the hysteroscopy and DNC. It was a good appointment over all. I was informed however of the risks that can accompany these procedures. There is a chance that the uterus is punctured and then they will have to stop the procedure or they could do a laperoscopy and sew the puncture closed and continue. Oh Joy! That sounds like fun, not! There is also a chance of hemorrhaging, infection and scaring. If a polyp is found they will scrap just that area and send it off to the lab, if no polyp is found then they will scarp the whole uterine lining and send it off to the lab. If all comes back clear we can proceed with the fertility treatments...she did say even if it comes back with a probability of cancer, we could still do the treatments. Praying, Praying!

It's Finalized

Today, is was the first day of Homeschool Convention and guess what I get less than an hour there... the phone call from the surgery scheduler. I have to go in on the 10th of June for a Pre-Operation Appointment, the Hysteroscopy and DNC is scheduled for the 15th of June at 1pm. I then have to wait until the 28th of June to go in for the Post-Operation Follow-Up Appointment. BREATHING!!!! God is in Control!

OK, Take A Deep Breath and Breath!

Heard back from the nurse, she said not to go forward with the fertility treatments. They want to do a surgical hysteroscopy and scraping of the uterine lining. They feel that there might be polyps or something else that isn't allowing the lining to thin like it should. Here comes those words again...Endometrial Hyperplasia and Cancer. Trying very hard to remember to take it 1 day at a time, breath and God is in control! I have to wait now for the gal from the clinic who schedules the surgeries to call me back...and they couldn't tell me when exactly that might be...so it is wait again!

Seriously??!!!???

Seriously? My lining is 13mm thick (it should be less than 5mm). So here we go again with the Endometrial Hyperplasia. The nurse wants to wait to talk to the doctor and she wont be in until tomorrow but she did speak with the other doctors that are in the office and they said not to start the fertility treatments, that the thickness of my lining is of great concern to them. I feel like I just hit a brick wall and took about 10 steps backward on this journey. While I know ultimately this is all in God's hands...why this again? So once again, I wait to hear what I am to do.

Not This Time!

Well, my "friend" came to visit. So we go back to the drawing board. I go into see the doctor on 1st to see where we go from here. Hopefully another round of treatments.

Are You Joking?

I have to order another pen, this time 2 shots worth. Take 1 more shot and then the FSH on Wednesday. Then Business! Then start those Progestrone pills on Sunday and wait to see if we were successful! Well, no one said this was going to be easy. Just remember this is all in God's Hands! After all, it's His plans ultimately not ours!

More???!?!?

Went to the doctor on Wednesday, they told me the eggs aren't mature yet and that I need to take 3 more shots over the weekend. This weekend of all weekend? This is Edwards weekend, he is turning 7 on Saturday and we are taking him out of town to the Great Wolf Lodge in Kansas City to celebrate it. I only have 1 shot in my Gonal pen, so I have to have more sent to me at the hotel. Well, I guess this will make our weekend just that much more interesting. And oy vey the cost of these pens are extreme....almost 650 just for the pen that holds 3 shots. So far I have had to get 2 pens with 3 shots worth in them. Not to mention the FSH shot I still have to give myself, the cost of the clomid and the progestrone pills I have take later on. Oh and let's not get me started on those progestrone pills.....I am still trying to grasp the concept of how I have take them...let's just say they are taken the way you think a pill would be taken. They wanted me to come in on Sunday to be rechecked but since we will be out of town, they were kind enough to agree to see me first thing Monday Morning.

Here we go!

Today is the first day of Infertility treatments. I have to take 150mg of Clomid for the next five days. I have to give myself 150 IU of Gonal Today, Sunday and Tuesday, then go see doctor to see if we have mature eggs. These both have to be taken between 7PM and 9PM and preferably at the same time every time it is taken. Not only are those scheduled but "OTHER" things are on a schedule too!

She's Here!

Well, my "friend" finally decided to come visit after a little help from that progestrone shot. PRAISE THE LORD! Will be starting shots in a few days!