Is it okay to feel selfish? I feel like no one really cared what I went through last year and will be facing this year. Someone asked me the other day if I had just 1 child, I said yes. I always feel like I have to explain why I have only 1 child. I don't want folks to think it was a personal choice thing. Especially when God told us to go forth, multiply and be plentiful. Anyway I answered her question and said that I had PCOS and that it took us 10 1/2 yrs to get him. She said "Oh!" and then started talking to the gal next to me, like what I said wasn't of any importance (side note the gal she ended up spending 10 or more minutes talking to was also discussing a health issue). I guess maybe to her it wasn't. But this is what I mean by folks not really seeming to listen or wanting to understand. Then there is the issue of others going through various forms of illnesses and getting lavished with attention, card showers and food being brought for their family to have meals for weeks so the person going through the illness wont have to cook. I went through 3 surgeries last year, a cancer treatment, my haired thinned out terribly, I worked hard to loose weight and tried to remain as stress free as possible, I was scared to death. No one gave me a card shower to bring up my spirits, no one cooked ( or brought) meals for my family, and some folks tended to add stress to my life. Why am I always the person who gets pushed aside, over looked and/or stepped on? I often wonder what it is about me that makes this occur so often in my life. I try so hard to be uplifting, understanding of what others are going through, put myself last, do for others and so forth. Sometimes it's just so hard to not think that no one cares! I guess I just am feeling so alone lately on this journey. Yes, I know I have God and my husband, but sometimes you just need something more I guess.
PLEASE NOTE: It's not that I don't care about the suffering(s) that others are going through. It truly breaks my heart to hear of anyone (friend or someone I don't even know) going through an illness or difficult situation, especially ones that are life changing or even in the worst case, life threatening. I tend to go out of my way to do what I can for them, being it something as simply praying for them or going above and beyond that. I don't like to see anyone suffer. I don't do those things to receive back their pity, help and/or so forth. I do it because I truly do care.
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